Wednesday 5 October 2016
Fat - Just a word?
Fat (Noun) a natural oily or greasy substance occurring in animal bodies, especially when deposited as a layer under the skin or around certain organs. Synonyms: fatty tissue, blubber, flab, baby fat, spare tire, love handles.
Fat (Adjective) (of a person or animal) having a large amount of excess flesh. Synonyms: plump, stout, over weight, large, chubby, portly, flabby, paunchy, pot-bellied, meaty, ample-proportions, heavy-set, obese, corpulent, fleshy, gross, big-boned, tubby, roly-poly, well upholstered, beefy, porky, blubbery, chunky, pudgy
Fat (Verb) make or become fat. "Numbers of cattle are fatted here."
I know "fat" is just a word. It’s a simple noun and verb but a very complex adjective. When "fat" is used in a descriptive derogatory way or used to diminish or take something away from another it becomes misused. The word "fat" becomes galling and obscene. Why am I taking a stand over a impetuous 3 letter word? Fat has become synonymous with undesirable. Like other derogatory words in our past they may have started out as simply a descriptor but have become far more complex and riddled with insinuation over time.
When you look at the synonyms attached to fat as an adjective you will see that it does not leave one with good feelings. In fact, not one of the synonyms has a positive association unless you are referring to a pig going to slaughter. So is fat just a word, technically yes. It is also a barbed word. Then why do we use it so flippantly? "He got fat." "You used to be so fat." "At least you're not as fat as them." The word is not just hurtful it is also powerfully oppressive.
We as a society were asked to stop using the word retarded for obvious reasons. The word retarded started off as a medical term: Retard (verb): to delay or hold back in terms of progress, development, or accomplishment. Retarded (adjective) less advanced in mental, physical, or social development than is usual for one's age. Retarded is now considered outdated and highly offensive, thank goodness for that. Then why can't we regard the word fat in the same way. Let's make it taboo to use so flippantly.
I take this on personally as words are powerful. The old adage: "Sticks and stones may break your bones but names will never hurt me." We all know is untrue. We thankfully know what people in verbally abusive relationships are just as abused as their physically abused counterparts and heaven forbid someone must endure both kinds of abuse simultaneously. Now I have heard many times it will only bother you if you let it or you are sensitive therefore you need to block out what others say or only you can let others oppress you. Here is where I stand, words are so fucking powerful. It goes beyond simply letting it go or ignoring it. This requires action. It is not ok to call someone fat under any circumstances. I will go a step further, it is not ok to comment on someone’s weight if they have lost or gained. Woah woah woah you say... but I am complimenting this person, they lost weight. This is a good thing. I'm not saying don't congratulate someone; just know your audience, really well.
Why it is inappropriate to comment on a person's weight lost or gained.
When you congratulate someone on losing weight you are inadvertently congratulating them for not being fat. Yes, losing weight is an accomplishment and is a lot of hard work but if you don't know the person or their history this can be particularly triggering. Someone's weight is no one else's business but their own. To congratulate weight loss to reaffirm that smaller is good bigger is bad. Then you say but it’s about health. True, health can be found in weight loss but I also know some very healthy larger people who could out run or out play those who appear to be of healthy size. When I lost 80lbs I was addicted to the kudos what I lost sense of the true purpose of my journey. It became about gold stars and seeking outside validation. People said you must be so happy now that you have lost the weight. I wasn't, I lost a sense of self. The biggest compliment you could give to someone is how wonderful they are as a human being not societal brainwashed version of what beauty should be. Let’s stop buying into the diseased social consciousness of the beauty myth. Let's take the focus off of the outside and dig deeper. Let's evolve into highly empathetic, compassionate, progressive humans. I say lets leave the beauty indoctrination behind.
I'm not here to criticize if you have congratulated weight loss, used the word fat, or if you have said to someone that they are sensitive. I am merely offering a point of view from a stigmatized fat girl who walks with her beautiful body daily on this earth.
Just my two bits.
Hugs & Shit
The Momma
Tuesday 16 August 2016
An Open Letter to Gold's Gym
Dear Gold's Gym,
Fuck you.
You run a business of maintaining and facilitating fitness, that's it. You're in the business of advertising to seek out individuals who would like to temporarily access your machines and weights for their own goals and agendas. Your business on your client's agenda is none of your business, unless they ask you. I did not ask you for advice yet I was given it anyway. You're that bully walking down the street handing out free fitness advice to anyone who "looks like" they need it.
Your apology was confusing, an after thought, a take-it-back-but-not-really-because-we-feel-entitled-to-shame-fatties-everywhere, God-driven, word salad, hot garbage soup. I don't accept. Do more. How will you become better than what you've put out? Apologies are not just mindless jumbled words thrown together to appease the masses. Apologies are also action to not continue the act yet I still see that the ads are still up which means you still endorse this type of thinking. You are not sorry. Your appalling behavior requires more. I highly recommend you visit eating disorder clinics with your mouths shut so you can just listen and learn.
Sincerely,
Courtney Catterall
Fuck you.
You run a business of maintaining and facilitating fitness, that's it. You're in the business of advertising to seek out individuals who would like to temporarily access your machines and weights for their own goals and agendas. Your business on your client's agenda is none of your business, unless they ask you. I did not ask you for advice yet I was given it anyway. You're that bully walking down the street handing out free fitness advice to anyone who "looks like" they need it.
Your apology was confusing, an after thought, a take-it-back-but-not-really-because-we-feel-entitled-to-shame-fatties-everywhere, God-driven, word salad, hot garbage soup. I don't accept. Do more. How will you become better than what you've put out? Apologies are not just mindless jumbled words thrown together to appease the masses. Apologies are also action to not continue the act yet I still see that the ads are still up which means you still endorse this type of thinking. You are not sorry. Your appalling behavior requires more. I highly recommend you visit eating disorder clinics with your mouths shut so you can just listen and learn.
Sincerely,
Courtney Catterall
Friday 29 July 2016
Monday 2 May 2016
Eating Disorders and Hiking
Pre-kids I was a bit of a hiker. I have scaled most of the North Shore mountains in Vancouver and up the sea to sky highway. I have tackled a few in the Fraser Valley and have a hike bucket list as long as the eye can see. When I had kids naturally this was put on hiatus but recently, its come back with a vengence. Last summer with my sister in law Robyn I did Garibaldi 50kmin 3 days. One of my biggest hiking accomplishments. This year I want to do Wedgemount in Pemberton just North of Whistler. I am very good at setting goals and trying to accomplish them. When completed, I get an overwhelming sense of confidence and willingness to do and learn new things. Here's the rub...
I feel like an imposter.
.
I feel like an imposter.
.
im·pos·tor
imˈpästər/
noun
noun: impostor; plural noun: impostors; noun: imposter; plural noun: imposters
a person who pretends to be someone else in order to deceive others, especially for fraudulent gain.
Why do I feel like an imposter? I don't feel like I belong there. I love nature, I love the mountains and the forest, I feel so at home there but I don't feel I belong because of the committee of assholes in my head tell me I don't belong there. I don't look the part. All the hikers I have ever come across on the trails have always said hi and shared a few friendly words but when I speak with them I feel like I am not a part of their group. Why you ask? Here is what my committee of assholes tell me:
You're too fat
You don't look like a hiker because you can't buy hiker clothes as they don't come in your size
You take longer than the others
You are winded a lot
You are beet red and sweatier than anyone else you have seen
When people stop to chat people look at you wondering how the fuck you'll ever reach the top
Don't eat in front of people at the top, they will judge
How would you get off the mountain if you were hurt? You are too fat to carry down.
The list goes on...
Hiking is supposed to be my safe place but lately I have had intrusive thoughts. I go to the mountains to clear my head and get spiritual and get grounded. My eating disorder follows me everywhere. It morphs, it changes, I have to be constantly vigilant. It rears its ugly head when I least expect it.
So to ED (eating disorders) fuck off to you and your shitty committee of assholes. Fuck off to finding my one sacred place where I am supposed to be untouchable. Fuck you to judging me and others. And lastly, fuck off ED you are not welcome on my hikes any longer.
Hugs & Shit
Monday 18 January 2016
Chocolate chips
Today I ate a couple handfuls of chocolate chips. I planned on baking some muffins a few won't matter. Today I ate half a bag of chocolate chips. The only thing holding me back was I started to shake from the sugar. My brain said fuck it. Who cares. And even though I tried to flush the rest I ate more until there was only a quarter of the bag left. Today I ate 3/4 of a bag of chocolate chips. I tried to throw the chocolate out but I kept thinking how garbage doesn't stop me. I kept eating. Today I ate an entire bag of chocolate chips. I shake from the sugar. My mind is clouded, sad, and filled with regret. I think of all the hard work I have put in and I just opened Pandora's box. Today I ate an entire bag of chocolate chips. The bag in the house that I convinced myself I could handle and bake something with it. Slippery slope. Today I ate an entire bag of chocolate chips, I might tomorrow but I won't for the next 5 minutes, that's all I can give
Hugs & Shit
The Momma
Hugs & Shit
The Momma
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