I had a new friend in the summer going from grade 6 to 7. We hung out a lot, we had a blast, it was a super summer. But as soon as grade 7 began somehow I had said something about someone and it got back to them and my best friend turned against me. I did not say those things. My grade 7 year was shot as this girl had it out for me. I spent most of grade 7 year being alone and hanging out in the computer lab after school. I made myself scarce to avoid the public shaming and ridicule.
In grade 7 all the girls in the change room were showing off their newly shaved legs. I looked down at mine wishing my shorts were track pants. I didn't care that I had hairy legs, in fact, I was pissed that I had to waste my time shaving hair that come naturally. Others noticed, commented, and others cared. Now it was select group of girls who brought it up with me, calling me out in the change room. I made up some lame excuse that I couldn't shave because my legs were too muscly and that I would cut my self up too much and my parents wouldn't let me yet. As I was saying it I knew it sounded lame but it was the best I could come up with on the spot. My school years were filled with anecdotes such as these.
Not all my bullying were from other kids but from teachers too. I do not have many memories of Kindergarten, grade 1 and 2 but grade 3 is when it all began. I had *Mrs. McFuller for both grade 3 and 4. In grade 4, me and my desk spent the entire year beside the teacher's desk. I was not a bad kid! I was highly distractable and talked a lot as I did not know what the hell was going on half the time but I was never malicious, mean or had outbursts. I always wanted to please others. I was consistently passed over. I overhead teachers talk about me and how I was a handful and that I was just a bit slow. I never felt like any teacher really cared about me or believed in me.
I hit grade 5 and 6 and I had *Mr. Bolka. I had heard from so many people how he was such an amazing teacher and how lucky I was to have him for two years in a row. The shit got worse. He said terrible things like, "I can tell which kids come from smoker families." and "Courtney, you have to stop selling cigarettes on the school grounds." and "I don't think it is right that kids are allowed to play video games." These are just a few examples. He accused me of such horrible things like stealing art supplies, selling stolen stuff on the playground, and cheating on tests. It got to the point where if I was accused of these things then I didn't fucking care anymore. I couldn't quite bring myself to cheat and steal but I definitely got a bad reputation and I did not care what people believed. I had become the bully that never bullied, the perceived bad-ass kid, and an untouchable being. I made sure my desk was extra messy so it got dumped out on the weekly basis by my teacher.
In grade 5 we started French. *Madame Biftec was warned I was coming and she already had it out for me. She accused me of something, I told her no it did not happen that way and then I spent my grade 5, 6, 7 years in the hallway, by myself learning French. By the way I kicked ass self teaching. Je t'emmerde!
Grade 7 finally arrived, my last year of elementary school. I was so done. I lucked out and got a really awesome teacher. He cared. He called out the mean girls and sympathized with the bullied. My type of bullying changed again back to the mean girls and boys group. I was once stopped on the school grounds and some older kids told me to give them my Raiders hat, when I refused I was threatened. It felt like a way of life back at that school; I was always watching behind my back and trying to remain small and invisible.
I once had a girl comment on the shirt I was wearing. It was an ESPRIT shirt. She said ESPRIT was so 2 years ago, it is not cool anymore. It may seem minor but tally up these daily occurrences and I had a shitty time in school. Teachers saw me and my situation and never did a thing. I was a lost cause.
I also lived a totally different life away from school. I was a brownie, girl guide, pathfinder, and ranger achieving all my top honours and 40 + badges in each level. I was selected to go on provincial and national camps. I earned the Bronze Duke of Edinburgh award and was an accomplished athlete. I played badminton, field hockey, tennis, body building, slo-pitch, fast pitch, I did triathlons, I was a full fledged lifeguard, and played water polo too. I was an overachiever in every which way possible, except for at school. My reputation was a myth perpetuated by adults who should have never been teachers to begin with. They were burnt out, highly judgmental and labeled me as soon as I entered those doors. The smoking family kid. The girl who was a girl but not a girl. The one who tried to impress but failed and was frequently accused of being a liar. I kept my worlds separate. It was a survival tactic. No one knew the real me, shit I had a hard time knowing who I was.
Junior high started , my grade 8 year was shit. New bullies, new packs of people to avoid now my new bullies were involved it the one thing I was good at and loved, sports. I stuck it out for three years. Between students and horrible staff I because depressed and developed an eating disorder. School was a perpetual punching bag.
Here are some other most glorious bullying highlights:
-"Moo-ed" off the football field in grade 10.
-Berated in front of the entire field hockey team when I did not follow directions properly.
-My weight pointed out at field hockey annually
-Told I had a nice shirt, too bad my face was so ugly
-I ordered extra sour cream at a field hockey dinner, waiter told I need to lose 30 lbs before I should do that. Coaches both heard it and laughed with everyone else.
-I went up to bat and people yelled heavy hitter! Literally! Intramural sports and lunch.
-Teachers witnessed every single event noted above and did nothing.
I then went off to senior high, things got way better. I went to a school where there were no bells, they treated you as a mature student and for the first time in my life I got on honour roll. I felt respected and cared for. In fact, a special shout out to the following teachers who made an effort over the course of my school career:
Mrs. Simmons - The reason I am a reader writer today. She would not accept that I was "slow". She knew better and pushed me to make sure I could read and write by that time I hit grade 5. She was amazing. I still remember the popcorn parties! She had me reading abridged versions of Greek mythology in grade 5 and 6. She led me to a great appreciation of the written word.
Mrs. Tribe - Little old British Lady with a heart of gold. She loved everyone, no matter your reputation.
Mr.de Kraker - Amazing teacher who saw through the bullshit and called people out on their bad behavior.
Mr. Eis - Did not accept I was dumb, pushed me in Grade 11 & 12 English to get good grades. Helped me to get honour roll.
Mr. Bentley - He took a vested interest in what I did in and out of school.
Ms. Dobie - Woman studies 12 teacher. A.Maze.Zing. Opened my eyes to a whole new world.
This is not meant to be a teacher bash, far from it. I just want to do more then wear a pink shirt on Thursday February 25th, I want education on the topic that does not end at 3:00 PM that day. I want teachers and parents to take bullying far more seriously. My school district has a zero tolerance for bullying but it is hard to enforce when the bullying comes from within and there is such a lack of education.
I have a 5 year old son who has Autism. I fear for him. I am trying to not put my personal experiences into his journey but I am more on edge as he gets older. For now, I will do my best to be objective and to take it as it comes.
I will step off my soap box now. I could go on.
HUGS & Shit
The Momma
Teacher names with * are not their real names
