Momma came in my room this morning, I was yelling for her but I didn't want her to come. I just wanted some control back in my life. As soon as she came in I yelled, "Get out!" and pointed my finger toward the door as I was not sure if she knew how to get back out. I then lay in bed for 10 minutes debating whether Elmo was a real boy. I tried to talk to him about it but he wasn't having any of it. I yelled for momma again, this time she took a while to come so I yelled a song about
chickens in the dickens. My mom laughed, I have no idea why, she does not honour my talents as a singer song writer.
Momma took me out of bed and asked me if I wanted a red or blue shirt. I yelled, "NO! thank you mommy." and grabbed the orange shirt. Orange is my new favorite colour, how can she miss that? It is only my new favorite colour since 10 minutes ago. Momma grabs the blue shirt, I lose my cool. Seriously momma, I know what I want in life and in this 30 second block the orange shirt is what I need. Momma takes me downstairs where Super Why was already on. I want to make all the decisions. I grabbed the Lots of Trains video, momma said no, I lost my cool. It did not work. Momma said something about Thing 1 was here first bullshit and walked away. Momma already made me breakfast, waffles. She got at least one thing right.
Momma wanted to get me dressed after breakfast. This was horseshit! I was in the middle of dumping the 3rd puzzle out of its box when momma came in an asked me silly rhetorical questions like, "Who do you think is going to clean this up?" and "Why do you dump and walk away?" The answer seems simple to me but momma has never been 3, so what does she know? Momma tickles me into submission awww damn I am always a sucker for that trick. I start to kick her while lying down, it is my best move yet. She is getting mad that means I must laugh harder. I know how this works. I finally gave up though as I kicked my heel hard on momma's wrist and she almost started to cry. Or was that her pretend cry? I don't know she is getting good. Momma gets my orange shirt, I lose my shit. BLUE is my favorite colour right now! How do you miss this momma? But you know, momma is smart sometimes, she hid the blue shirt and held it up when I needed it the most. Sometimes she is a bit of alright.
We load up the stroller to take Thing 1 to school and me to Stee Start. Momma keeps repeating Strong Start after I say the exact same thing, yeah I know Stee Start. Before I can get to the stroller Thing 1 wants in MY seat. I yell NO! Momma tries to get me into the stroller. I yell, "NO!" Loud enough that the neighbours might wake up and care about my problems. The momma is bossy, she took the stroller and put it back in the garage. I really want the stroller but I do not want anyone else to sit in it. How difficult is that?! Momma thinks that is a hard concept. Momma brings out the stroller again when me and my brother are both crying. This time she brings out the double stroller. This simply will not do. Momma goes back inside and leaves us crying in the garage, she has abandoned us! I scream. I scream louder and louder than I have ever done before. My momma is gone forever! Oh wait, there she is and she brought out daddy. Oh shit. I climb into the stroller and try to put on my seat belt as fast as I can. I made it. I am absolved of any wrong doing. But I was wrong about that as daddy pointed his finger at me, I was confused as I did not know where he wanted me to go. Baffling these parents. With unwanted hugs and kisses from daddy we took off for school. BUT wait... I want my orange shirt...
The End
Thing 2
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