Pre kids vs post kids

Things I miss pre-kids

My eye glasses without finger prints
Drinking hot tea and reading a book all at once, at the same time, simultaneously, together
Not living in the constant fear that Thing 2 will find a pen and write all over my shit
Owning a decent pair of sunglasses
Not having a food pouch explode in my purse
Rum and Cokes on a Friday night
Watching a movie in full and not fast forwarding the "possibly unneeded bits"
sitting for long periods watching sitcoms
knowing when a sitcom was on
Leisurely shaving my legs... showering... or just even taking a shit
Sleeping in
Sleeping
Saturday afternoon naps
Sleeping
not using butt wipes for tissues
Not feeling guilty as you recycle the 100,000th piece of art brought home from school
Not removing huge boogers from your child's face without a tissue or said butt wipe
Date night
Anything on a whim
Not having to get two of everything. If you give one kid something the other one always knows.
Owning underwear without holes
Daily showers
No middle of the night sneak in momma's bed for a good kick and space hogging
Go to the library without hitting up the kids section or getting complaints from the peanut gallery how my section is "boring"
Not having my shampoo poured down the drain
Not living in constant fear of dieing of train track tripping concussion catastrophe
Not having to make 4 separate meals... meat-less, egg-less, nut-less, not too fruity, yet not too vegetabley, gourmet, healthy something that does not offend the masses.
Not taking up odd hobbies like finding every single bit of clothing in the house that needs to be hemmed, sewn, and or patched and dedicate an entire evening to mending shit

Shit I love about having kids

Whenever I fart, I get a laugh
100,000 art pieces to survey and select for ultimate safekeeping
Cold tea and sneaking couch naps when kids watch Thomas
My vast knowledge of Children's literature
The cuddles, hiccups, farts, and sneezes
The laughs to the point where no sound comes out and your tummy hurts
Middle of the night sneak into bed with momma cuddles
Finding Thomas trains everywhere, and I mean everywhere, to the point of hilarity
Going out for a nice night with some girlfriends and when I open my purse I find everything I could ever need.
The "momma! Look at what I can do!"
Watching cartoons again
Impromptu rum and coke party on a Thursdays night with another momma friend
Meeting other cool moms on the playgrounds and schools
Watching the boys play trains together


I love my kids, they are little bundles of hilarious assholey awesomeness!

HUGS & Shit

The Momma

                                              I don't know what is happening, ever.