Monday, 31 August 2015

A Journey Part 1

On Saturday September 5th I will be hiking the Helm Creek traverse through Garibaldi Park for 3 days with my sister-in-law Robyn. I am nervous as shit as I have felt my body was so unworthy for so long. I didn't feel like an athlete anymore, I felt like I was meant to be less than and that was my lot. It is amazing what an eating disorder will do to distort the mind, body and soul. I am worthy of this hike, I am an athlete and I am blessed to have the support around me.

Prep Time...
160 gym hours increasing my cardio and muscle mass
Vastly reducing my sugar to next to nothing
Clean eating 90% of the time
Dealing with my eating disorder demons one day at a time and sometimes 5 minutes at a time.

Thank you to the Hubs for the love and support and letting me become a gym rat. Thank you to Things 1 and 2 for making me crazy enough that going to the gym at 5:30 AM alone feels like a fun thing to do. Thank you Blennifer for all the talks and helping me realize that I am in fact worthy. And lastly thank you to Robyn the gal who inspired me in the first place. Watching Robbie achieve her own goals inspired me to do my best.

4 more training day sand then I'm off!

Hugs & Shit

The Momma
                                                          A Colton add on to my hair.







Saturday, 18 July 2015

Fat Hands

Today I was told I have fat hands.

Who said this to me? It does doesn't matter. No one I have ever met before. Then why do I feel so sad? I know I have fat hands. I know I am fat. Why does it bother me today more than any other day? Some days I am so flippant about such things. Today I am not. Today my perception is I have fat hands. My tiny vulnerable widow opened up for some stranger to make comment and let it affect me. You know that space in time in life where you feel vulnerable like when Tron distracts the MCP so Flynn can get his info disc in to Master Control? That is the window I am talking about, a blip of my day. So I have fat hands, so what? And as I write this out my heart is less heavy and I regain my confidence to go out into the world once again. My vulnerability makes me real, it makes me feel, and goddammit it makes me alive.

Today I have fully-functioning, amazing, beautiful, artistic, fat hands.

Thursday, 2 July 2015

Over 10,000 Views! Thank you!

Wow, thank you for reading my silly little blog. I never would have guessed it would be over 10,000 views!

I have a request to make of you all! I have come across a nasty little Facebook page called "I Hate Fat People". There is not much on the site but the fact that it exists is very disturbing. What is even more disturbing is that I have reported it as hate speech but Facebook does not seem to agree. I have rallied others to report it and they all have received the same messages from FB that it does not violate their "community standards". These are some pretty weak standards. "Hate" is in the name of the page, I am not sure it can't get anymore hate speechy than that. The best I can make of this is that the FB categories given in the subtopics do not include this kind of discrimination. I guess the fat people do not fit in the proverbial tiny little box. So I call out to you to report this page:

https://www.facebook.com/pages/I-HATE-FAT-PEOPLE/184754218362?ref=ts&fref=ts

and put it in whatever category you see fit. I am going to keep on escalating this until the site is gone.


HUGs & Shit

The Momma



                                   A little kindness makes you gleam, thank you, thank you jelly bean!

Monday, 22 June 2015

Love Thy Neighbour



A Mini Blog within a Blog, Blog Part I
 
Being a fat-advocate can be compared to the likes of feminism. If you do not know what feminism is the assumptions are made that you are an angry, man-hating woman when it couldn’t be further from the truth. As a fat-advocate I support all bodies’ shapes, weights, and sizes.  I do not shame skinny, fat, or fit people nor put them on a pedestal. All bodies need to be loved and supported equally. A fatvocate like me calls out cowards when they make unhelpful comments or give unsolicited advice. A fatvocate only wants body acceptance and self-love for everyone. A fatvocate is not out to make you fat and nor to make you feel bad about yourself. A fatvocate breaks down the notion that a size 14 and under equals good where size 14 and up equals bad. A fatvocate endorses nothing but love for other human beings. A fatvocate supports whatever healing journey you have with your body without judgement. Sounds awesome right?



A Mini Blog within a Blog, Blog  Part II
 
Since the advent of fitness, health, obesity, food articles and opinion pieces have been posted on the internet the well-intentioned and trolls come out. Everyone starts spouting off their two cents about why they think obesity is on the rise and how it is a financial drain on the economy. Hold up. Wait a minute. Let’s put this in to perspective people. These are classic distraction tactics that you have bought into, hard. The “War on Terror” is a drain on the economy, white collar crime is a drain on the economy, corporate excess, and human-driven environmental disasters are drains on the economy. This fat distraction is nothing more than that, a distraction. Yes obesity is on the rise, so are a lot of things. These articles are platforms for ignorant people to take out their frustrations and to help perpetuate the indoctrination of the beauty myth. You’ve been had. The truth is there is so much more happening in this world and propaganda has us so focused on the inane details of other people’s lives; hence, our obsession with reality TV and the Kardashians. What I desire are articles that have not been sponsored or driven by “hits” and “likes”. I want critical thinking. I want articles that have compassion and real information that are not influenced by corporate ties. Everyone has become an expert and a drone at the same time and this is very dangerous yet conducive to sheep-like mob-mentality behavior that subdues the masses so we become apathetic and more accepting of simple thoughts that require little to no thinking. It is easier to point the finger than to find out why. 



A Mini Blog within a Blog, Blog  Part III
 
For a long while it was a social faux pas to call out anyone on their weight whether it was to mock, judge or give unsolicited advice in anyway publicly. The only times I have ever been fat shamed have been in a places where cowards felt they could get away with it with little to no repercussions.  Since the advent of social media everyone’s thoughts and feeling on the matter have been supported by “opinion-pieces”, “quack pseudo-scientists”, and any Tom Dick or Janey who thinks they are a doctor, nutritionist and expert in all things because they “know someone” but they have no fucking clue what it is really all about. People who have no compassion ranting and raving on the internet about how it is so easy; just stop eating so much, exercise, calories in and calories out bru-ha-ha. The solution is so much more complex than that. Obesity in itself has layers of complexity which require much explanation; more than I feel like getting into. There are so many factors to consider. I am not going to quantify at this time because quite frankly it I don’t owe anyone any explanations. I do not apologize for my place in the world.  I am me and you are you. I love you as you are, can you love others unconditionally?


Hugs & Shit
The Momma


 "Call them $%!*@ and hide behind the keys of a message board."
-Macklemore 

I chose this picture because Macklmore and Mary Lambert promote love and acceptance is such incredible ways. I salute you!

"The eat right, exercise, health mantras need to be used appropriately and not for fat-shaming purposes."  

"If you are worried for someone's health due to obesity, love them, it is the most healing thing in the world."


 



Saturday, 20 June 2015

Peetastrophie, Peenami, Pee-a-thon

My first 15 minutes with Thing 2 this morning...

I wake to hear Thing 2 yelling, "Momma! Momma! Momma! You come here rights now! 1..2..3...! Momma!" The hubs rolls over and says in a sleepy daze, "He wants you." then rolls back to his side. I am not ready to face today but I got up to go to his bedroom. I greet him the same way I always greet my boys with oooohs and ahhhs and morning sweeties etc. Thing 2 pops out of bed and I get a stern lecture. He then brushes past me and stands in the hallway ready to go downstairs. I look to the clock, Thing 1 is already awake watching super why downstairs. I think to myself ok you have 20 minutes to just lie down and relax before I have to get ready for work. As I made my way to the bed I hear a waterfall of sound. I know what it is... Thing 2. I turned around to him fully clothed, legs wide apart and emptying a full night's bladder on the floor. He pointed at it and said, "Look momma a big mess. Clean up time!" He then regaled me with the Barney clean up, clean up song. I went to him perplexed on why he peed through as his diaper when it was empty when I first checked it. And there it was, his penis was sticking out of the top like a little cherub baby water fountain. I grabbed a towel and got him to step on it as I peeled off his pjs. He jumped and laughed thinking it was all fun and games but when he took one step off the town he did a classic bail. His legs went up and he landed on his back right where the rest of the pee was where the towel could not get to. Awesome. He is now covered in pee rolling around in pain. Of course when Thing 2 is in pain he wants a hug. Ah well, pee for everybody. We had a quick shower and put a new diaper on him. We then had a little chat that went a little something like this: "Thing 2 you can play with your penis but you have to put it away when you are done, ok?" To which he responded, "No put away!" So I rephrased my request, "Thing 2 when you are done with your penis you have to.... Clean up, Clean up everybody everywhere, clean up, clean up everybody do your share." He then said, "OK Momma." And with that he literally skipped down the hall, bailed, got up, and then proceeded to go down stairs to watch super why with Thing 1.

Thing 2 bail count so far: 3
Thing 1 banana count so far: 2
Hubs passing the buck: 1
One tired but highly amused momma: 1

Hugs & Shit

The Momma



Sunday, 14 June 2015

Drunk Blogging... trying it once.

Drunk Blogging... I thought I would give it a go. I rarely drink. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I speak in past tense the problem is the past has not happened yet. Tense confusion, philosophy lesson, and an all around good time. Don't judge me, or do, I don't care, well maybe a little. Nope, not caring.

Today was a super special day for no reason. I liked today. Holy fuck italics! I don't know I pressed some sort of magic button. You're a magic button. 

Oh mystery solved. SO today was nothing special. I ate some cheese. I crafted a paperairplane out of oldrecycled recyclables. Kind of like potent potables but more recyclables. You know what I really love? Nothing to do with finger paints. Fingerpaints are the bane of my existence. Try them and you will agree that I am right and finger paints are wrong. 

Oh thats right I am writing about my Things! Thing 1 and Thing 2. 

So we woke up. It was nice. It was about as nice as Bob Ross painting a happy little forest. When all of a sudden I heard from Thing 2's room. "Mommmmmaaaaa!" I got up in a stupor and stumbled to his room where I saw the aftersmath of him getting buck and peeing everywhere. I looked at him and said, "Are you 3?" and he replied with a, "Nope! I am 5!" Fair enough, 3 is hard. He then gave me an anatomy lesson on his junk area. I was super impressed. I flicked on the light and promptly walked away in a semi huff. I then visited Thing 1's room where I found the cat had vomited on the floor. I staggered back to my bed and said to the HUBs, "Your turn." I am pretty certain I rolled over and went back to sleep. This is where I won the mother of the year award. 

I can't deal much longer. I am a big tire. 

HUGS and SHRUGS

The Momma

                                                                Drunkn Skunkn
                                      




Wednesday, 10 June 2015

Hey Fear You're Not Welcome Here

Hello Friends... Before I get into the seriousness of things I want to write a completely bloggable moment I had today:

I was leaving strong start today with Thing 2, Blennifer, and Bladi when...

  • Bladi went missing but was found 6 feet from where we were standing within plain view.
  • Thing 2 was losing his mind because he needed apple juice
  • A stroller toppled over with no baby in it
  • 4 toddlers were plotting their escape plan while the door was open
  • someone tripped on something
  • Food fell on the ground
  • A Baby cried out
  • Thing 2 farted
  • And I was trying to have a conversation with an adult
  • This all happened in the span of 10 seconds. 
Moral of the story: Shit goes down at Strong Start
Second Moral of the story: Life in all its glory is fucking hilarious.

Now for something completely different...
I normally go to the gym on Mondays and Wednesdays but my schedule is all mucked up this week. So I decided to go for a nice walk and workout at the outdoor gym at the park across the street from me. Sound plan right? I did some speed walks up and down hills, I did some speed walking on the paths, I went to the outdoor gym to lift and stretch etc... The night was beautiful, the night was warm yet had a cool breeze, it was twilight my favorite time of day, nothing could get more beautiful or glorious.

But it all was not. In my mind I could not deal with exercising outside. It was fucking with my brain. I was judging myself hard. There were so many softball games and soccer games happening all around. I kept thinking about how inadequate I was and how if someone looked at me they must thought holy shit, she needs to workout. I had gotten myself into such a tizzy. After all the self ass-kicking I took myself to the middle of the grass field and lay down. I looked up and the dimming sky and had a cry. I knew my brain was creating a false reality. I knew it was my eating disorder taking a piss. The eating disorder was doing everything in its power to bring me down so I can then literally and figuratively feed myself. I have been down this road before, it is a familiar place.I had not been there in a while but there it was. I picked myself up off the grass and texted my pal Blennifer. I invited myself over to her place and I am so glad I did.

Blennifer reminded me of all the things I already knew but could not see. That other people's opinions of me is none of my business and that my thoughts are hijacking my reality. Brilliant. Thank you Blennifer. It is amazing to see how my intellectual mind gets assimilated by the eating disorder with non-helpful self-destructive self talk. Generally I consider myself a pretty confident person but once in a while my committee of assholes get the best of me and I need to shut that down. I used to have daily episodes of this self destruction and I am so glad to say I rarely feel this way now. But when it rears its ugly head I know it is time for me to take notice and keep on my road to recovery. One day at a time.
Thank you Blennifer. <3

Hugs & Shit

The Momma
                              The one day I wear mascara is the day I decided to cry. Yay waterproof!