Almost a Day Zero

Seriously?! I have had one beer and I now have the beer sweats. Alcohol is weird, I guess that is why I rarely drink. Now I am all sweaty and tired. Stupid beer.

So today was the day for outside! Normally it is take the bus Friday but Thing 1 didn't mention it so I did not push it. Woke up to Thing 1 wanting to watch videos on the tablet. Thing 2 babbling away in his crib singing to his banana in pajama and smacking the wall with something. Have breaky, get dressed, made the Things playing my room while I had a shower. Things are peeping Toms. Get out of shower Thing 1 asks if he can smell my boobs. classic. He asks me daily and smells them daily. I ask every time, "What do they smell like?" and without a pause Thing 1 always replies, "Like apples momma." You can't go wrong with apples. We pack up a picnic and head out the door. The Things want to go to park that rhymes with Yacht. A cute little park, shaded and quiet. We get there after 30 minutes of trekking and wouldn't you know, I have to shit. There are no bathrooms in sight unless I knock on someone's door. I seriously contemplated this. Then I thought well stranger leaving a nasty smell? mmmm... funny but not cool. That's right, if I know you,  I will shit in your toilet like a boss and not even spray or turn on the fan when I am done. I will own it too. So I started to get the poop sweats. I am walking around hoping for a miracle. Fuck it. I grab the baby wipes and I make my way into the forest. Today I shat in the woods. I am a wilderness Goddess. Play at park for a while, head home. The Things are not satisfied with outdoor time. Play in open garage. Force things to come in. eat. barely. Attempted to put Thing 2 down for a nap. Futile. Thing 2 is all like, I am too old and too cool for naps and the momma is like, lie down Mr. Monkey Butt, you don't know, you're two. So Thing 2 had quiet time for an hour destroying everything surrounding his crib. Mental note, move the shit surrounding his crib. Thing 1 outside the entire time. awesome. Thing 1 and 2 playing outside. Neighbourhood kids join in on the sprinkler action. Pretty awesome prevening. Hubs BBqs, neighbour kids invite themselves over for hot dogs. So fun. And I am not even being sarcastic. They were hilarious. Anti-Social Thing 1 was all over it too. Roll with it. After dinner spent the evening lying on a blanket in the back yard with the things. I had a very intense conversation with Thing 1 about the future. He said he will have a family when he is 20. I rhetorically said, I wonder what it is going to be like in the future and Thing 1 said the world will be bigger. (smart muffin-butt) I asked him if he wanted to fly planes or go to outer space when he gets older. He said no, that is for rocketship people. I asked him who are rocketship people and he said momma the people who drive the rocketships silly. Naturally. I asked him how did I get to be so lucky to be your momma? He replied, I picked you mom. sigh. I am the chosen one!

Moral of the story: I am the chosen one.
Thing 2 bail count: at least 12
What time is it mr. wolf games back to back: 11
bananer count: zero (ran out)
No fig bars to find or count
Poops
in the forest: 1

Hugs and Shit

The Momma