A Cat Named F*%k Face

Today is the day I met a cat named "Fuck-Face" at first I felt bad for the cat until my pal told me that the cat bites anyone who pets him. So Fuck Face it is.

What happened today you say? Well, I tutored 2 awesome kids and then I rejoined my family to find the hubs sleeping in the rocking chair with the kids still in their PJs and no one had breakfast yet. Classic. Ah yes, it is going to be one of those days. So if you cannot beat em, join em. I changed back into my jammies and lay down on the couch and let the Things crawl all over me. Thing 1 wanted to watch the Jungle Book for the 50th time and Thing 2 wanted to watch The Polar Fucking Express. No, no Christmas in July and no more Jungle Book. I say to the Things, "How about we read books?" Well, you'd think I had pissed in their unmade cornflakes. Oh the humanity! Thing 2, in slo-mo, throws himself on the floor and writhes around like a snake on fire. And Thing 1 walks around moaning and throwing his arms around like the happy hey guy at the car dealership. At this point the hubs starts to wake and asks me what happened to which I replied, "I told them to read a book with me." To which he laughed and said, "Oh now you've done it." I promptly threw myself on the floor and gave my best moaning, sighing, flailing, speaking in tongues, Oscar performance. The Things stood over me concerned for my well being. Next thing I knew, the Hubs joined me on the floor for his solid performance in, " Parenteral reverse psychology tantrum". By golly it worked, the Things were thoroughly amused and we the parents had a well deserved win under our belts. Then tickle fight happened, not Polar Fucking Express or Jungle book just some fun tickle torture with the kids. For the record kids suck at tickling, it more hurts then anything else. Thing 2 thought it would be fun to tickle my eyes. Classic Thing 2.

I made lunch, we ate it. Thing 2 and the hubs go down for a nap. Thing 1 and I go to the blue mall. We HAVE TO do the Blue Mall circuit. We go over the Blue Mall plans with Thing 2 8 times during the drive and it went a little something like this...

Thing 1: Momma?
Momma: Yes.
Thing 1: When we go to the Blue Mall we have to go get some lunchies first ok?
Momma: ok
Thing 1: Then after lunchies we go to the park, the inside one ok?
Momma: ok
Thing 1: The after the park we go to look at toys where the Thomas is ok?
Momma: ok
Thing 1: Then after that we go to look at more toys ok?
Momma: ok
Thing 1: Then after that you don't look at anything else then we get a bun from the cake store and then we go home ok?
Momma: ok... wait, I cannot look at anything?
Thing 1: No you are no allowed.
Momma: Why am I not allowed?
Thing 1:Momma you can't look at things because your things are all gone and all your stores are closed.
Momma: really?
Thing 1: Yes momma, you can't go to the closed stores, they are all locked up.
Momma: really.
Thing 1: Yes and momma I want to look at the excovader
Momma: Do you want to ride the escalator?
Thing 1: No momma it is too dangerous.
Momma: You have a solid point son.
Repeat 8X

Thing 1 bananer count: 4 (He is back on bananers)
Thing 2 bail count: 6 that I saw 2 that I saved
Thing 1 saying "Momma" count: 4,560 (in one day)
Thing 2 new cutest sentence: "Whud dis dat ting called?"
Momma and the Hubs: Warm and Fuzzys from the cutest kids in the world.

A special shout out to my pal that rhymes with Blarmen for a super happy birthday!

Hugs and Shit
The Momma

                                                      The happy hey guy at the car dealership