Goose Eggs, Fig Bars and Monster Trucks

Today was a gooder Clark.

Highlight of my day... Being tackled by thing 2, Thing 2 sitting on my head as I lie helpless on the ground, my hair all in my face and I cannot see anything and thing 1 playing monster trucks with me. We push back and forth this bowling ball sized monster truck and all I can hear the the whirling of the monster truck coming towards my face. I stick out my arm, still blinded and concussed from Thing 2 now bouncing on my head with his butt. I did not put my arm out in time and CRASH! It hurt so funkin bad but I laughed and cried a little as all the boys in the house including my hubs laughed. A lot. It was funny, so was the goose egg. Classic momma and fam moment. Love it. Luckily when I get hurt I laugh.

We gots da fig bars from Costco! I was informed by the hubs that I did not account for a couple of bars last time. He said this is my last chance! I am feeling a bit stressed. My kids future of eating fig bars lies in my hands. The pressure is too great. So box is not opened but tomorrow will be the start of the great fig bar hunts.

Thing 2 bail count 1! Thing 1 bananer count zero - we ran out. Fig bar counting anticipation level - high.

Gooood NIIIGHT
Love the Momma

My Ghostly Encounters - Part 1

So am I a believer in ghosts, spirits, poltergeists?... heck yeah.  I have had too many crazy eerie situations happen in my life not to believe. Are those Shrimp chips on the table in the karaoke palace? Heck yeah, best things to nosh on that taste like your licking a live salty tuna. Wait... is that an orb? YES! Geez took you long enough to notice. So here are a handful of my ghostly stories...

Picture credit: I have no idea...  Peeps in the picture... L-R Major cuddles, Megs, Stephonicia, Orb, GI Joseph, Deanners and me (pink arm)

SO I did a Tupperware party the other weekend and it was getting toward the end, people were bringing me orders I was answering questions etc... When all of a sudden I had this overwhelming feeling to look over my shoulder when I noticed a container came flying out of the already open cupboard. Not only did this thing fall quite unexpectedly it made some distance. It was like it was chucked. Only myself and one other person saw it. I looked at this person and with their wide eyes they just shook their head. I was going to say something when the kind woman told me don't the host will freak out.

Until very recently I worked in a haunted mansion tutoring kids. I loved that job. I only left as my own business was taking off and need more of my time. My very first day I went up tot he bathroom when I saw a black shadowy figure cross the opening in to the next hallway. I bee-lined downstairs and thankfully my boss came out and she quickly became my pee buddy. I felt kind of silly and freaked. One of my last shifts at the awesome haunted tutoring centre I was tutoring in the basement with a fun kid. Near the end of the session he says to me, "Why did you say it that way?" To which I said, "In what way?" He replied, "You were talking like an old lady."

I am/was part of a paranormal investigation team called PPIT Pacific Paranormal Investigation Team. We investigated a home that was located across the street from a cemetery. So cliche right? So the 50 minutes of the investigation no creepy feelings, no orb photography, no evps no jumps on the emf meters. Nadda. Suddenly I had a gut feeling I should go into the computer room. Now first rule when going into a computer room is the room will most likely make the emf meter jump as it is full of electromagnetic energy. This energy is usually based around computers, phones, radios outlets, electronic devices etc. Me and a pal of mind decided to check it out. We hung around in there asking whatever maybe in the house to come forward. I scanned the room with my emf meter and found that the middle of the room there of course were no readings whatsoever. I decided to leave my emf meter there, untouched. We were about to pack up when my pal said, "Something is here." My spidey senses were tingling. For about 15 minutes we communicated through a series of yes and no questions in which the spirit manipulated the emf meter to give responses. That emf meter jumped every time we asked a question. My pal and I did not talk of that experience until about a year ago. We both are still flabbergasted and bewildered at what happened that night and we have not brought it up since.

Pre-kids, the hubs and I lived in a one bedroom apartment in Burnaby, we loved that apartment. We had some funny things happen here and there but I chalked it up to me just letting my imagination getting the better of me. Sometimes I would find my wardrobe door open. I ALWAYS close it. It can close by itself but it cannot open by  itself. Also, the lamp in the living room would flicker at approximately the same time each night for about 20 minutes. I also would get the most amazing orb photography in that apartment. Not just dust particles but big bright deliberate orbs. We moved when Thing 1 was almost 1 years old into a townhouse. Such a wonderful move for us and we loved the place just as much as the old place. About 3 months after living there I was house cleaning one Friday night after Thing 1 had gone down to sleep. (Prior to Thing 2) I had not watched any ghosty shows, I had not talked about it with anyone, my mind was on cleaning and my to do list and nothing else. I had just cleaned 2 bathrooms and going downstairs to work on the third when I saw a man coming up the stairs. I naturally freaked out and yelled out to the HUBS. He came a running when I told him I think there was someone downstairs. Just as I said that I had realized the man was gone in a flash. It was weird and surreal. The poor hubs freaked out when downstairs like a madman. I just looked at the hubs and said, It was a ghost. I can still see this spirit's face to this day.

I have many more to come!

Thing 2 bail count 3, no fig bars to account for, 2 bananas eaten by Thing 2 and overall a busy awesome day.
HUGS and shit

The momma

Tongue Health and other things that matter.

My tongue feels like crap. That is what you get when you enjoy some yummy salt and vinegar chips. No one ever talks about tongue health but should we? Dentists are always spouting off about good oral hygiene preventing gingivitis, leg cramps and forest fires BUT what about tongues? This is the shit that clouds my brain when trying to make important decisions in my life. Can it be helped? Should it be helped? Nah. I digress.

So what happened today? Bat-shit cray cray Thursday is what...

Up at 7:30 AM. Thing 1 at the foot of my bed reaching under the covers and touching my feet. Freaking me out kid! I had another disturbing dream about not having my water truck at the posh country club water slide park. And the same frat dude laughing at me as when I do bring a water truck it is a Clearly Canadian water and not Evian. My day starts off super weird to say the least. And that stupid dream haunts me all day. Stupid vivid reoccurring dream that makes no sense. Usually at the end of this dream I turn into a Charlies Angel and go an search for over sized gems at the bottom of the Burrard inlet. But this time I sought revenge on some sea turtles. See what I have to deal with?!

The hubs sicks Thing 2 on me to get me out of bed. Thing 2 treats me like a bouncy castle. Classic. Head down stairs, hubs off to work in the basement, hubs has a half day today. Get the Things dressed. Thing 1 announces that today is a slow day! He moves in slo-mo, he eats in slo-mo he gets dressed in slo-mo. I am not above bribery to hurry up his little butt. It was awfully cute though watching him try to put on his socks in slo-mo. He was frustrating himself. #4yearoldproblems. Nana and Gramps come over to babysit as the hubs and I get to go off to another Thing 1 meeting at Children's hospital. Sad how all these meetings and appointments have turned into dates. Meeting went well with Dr. Head home. Thing 1 playschool. Viva La Resistance! Gramps helps out. Yay gramps. Thing 2 go for a nap. Hubs decided to nap too. mofo. #jealous
Drop of Thing 1 go to my favorite event (insert sarcasm) that occurs only every 2 years... Just me... and my doctor. Thats right a big old Pabst blue and Smirnoff Ice... (word play.) can you dig?

Leave there... pick up Thing 1 from school. Play at playground. Go home. Do admin work. Tutor awesome kid. Eat dinner. Hubs goes out. Sit on couch and do nothing while Thing 2 covers me in DVD cases. Get the Things in bed. high five myself and sit in the squalor as I have no energy to clean. Watch big bang theory and have come to the conclusion that the only thing I look forward to with the show is Sheldon and Amy. The Shamey. The rest of the show has def. jumped the shark. New drinking game... take a swig every time they do a fat joke. #drunk Hubs comes home. Looks disappointed I have not tackled the house. Oh well. #supermom nailed it.

Cleaned again.

Now typing up this redick blog thinking... I should go to bed. wait Thing 1 has occupied my spot.
This feels like a downer blog... but here is the catch. I love my life, I love my Things 1 and 2, I love the hubs, I love my friends and fam. I would not trade this for the squirrels.
HUGS and shit
The momma

Amoeba's and Typical Days

So many things come to mind when I give myself a night off from the biz, life, obligations etc... and you know what I did?! I went to shoppers Drug Mart and looked at every fucking thing I wanted to. Ah bliss. Now I come home to reality and I think about my growing to do list and I say screw it. What to do next? I was thinking maybe shaving my legs, bah it smacks of effort. Then I though a nice cuppa and a book, nah too something, whatever not feeling it. Then I though ooooo a early nights sleep. Nope, that would turn into a good hour of lying on my bed thinking of all the things I could blog about which leads me to here...

I have nothing to blog about.

It was a standard day. Thing 2 cried because I touched his leg. Thing 1 made me play in the sprinkler.
Thing 2 fell off the couch, again. Thing 1 made me high five him every time he had a bite of cereal.  Thing 2 bit me on the stomach. Thing 1 farted on my hand. Whatevs it was a standard classic day at my house. And for that it was magical and special and for that I am ever so grateful.

Hugs and Shit
The Momma

Shit Happens - Literally and Figuratively

So Thing 1 had a shit today that would choke a donkey. Sadly he did not make it to the toilet on time so day zero for him! I went to change him and he absolutely destroyed his cute little star wars angry bird y-fronts. Poor guy had diarrhea. Or at my house we call it dinoreena. Funny when I do spell check on dinoreena these are my options... "inordinate or noradrenalin" Strangely these words work to this situation, like Thing 1 had an inordinate amount of poop in his underwear. And I could feel the noradrenalin coursing through my body as I heavily dry heaved cleaning up Thing 1's underwear. SO as it goes, I am attempting to salvage the underwear the best I can with hotish water and soap retching up a storm and what does thing 1 do?? Laugh. So I decided to laugh right along with him. I figured it is not everyday you clean out shitty underwear and get a shit infused facial from the steam of the hot water. Moral of the story... throw out destroyed undies, it is not worth it and secondly, laugh because anything else would be just a waste on a perfectly good silly situation.
#Thing2bailcount4 #Thing1bananacoutn2 #Nofigbarstocount #dayzero1 #awesomeday1
HUGS and SHIT
Courtney the MOmma

Gloriously Imperfect!

Super Thursday!
The Day in the Life of a Stay at Home Working Mom..  nailed it so imperfectly and thank goodness for that!
Up at 8:30 AM - holy shit it was amazeballs. sleeping in was beyond glorious.
Kids playing and me tackling the never ending to do list until 11AM
Hubs and Things in the car off to Dr. for 11:30 AM
Dr. from 11:30-12PM
Hardware store, where my hubs can feel like a Tim the tool man Taylor for 20 minutes.
McDicks ugh from 12:30-1:00
Thing 1 school at 1:15 PM
Head home
Thing 2 nap
Hubs doing something with bought items at hardware store
Me - lesson plan, gather up library returns, check mail, answer questions from prospective clients, write cheque for school supplies pack, drop off cheq and order form at school, drop off said library items, pick up a few items on hold at library and dash over to Colton's class for 2:15PM
2:15 PM - 2:45 PM MOTHERS DAY TEA at Thing 1's school. So freaking cute
wolf down hot tea and cupcake.  watched the cutest concert. Chatted with awesome mom.
I got recruited for the school PAC - fack
Must learn how to say no
who am I kidding
I am such a joiner
Boot outta there with Thing 1 in tow, head home
Drop off Thing 1 with Nana and Gramps
Pick up hubs from home
Drive to Thing 1's school
Meet with principal, resource room teacher and community support worker.
Meeting from 3-3:45 PM
Go to library again as hubs needs stuff.
Tell hubs we are on a library date sans kids
Hubs looks at me sideways with a what?! look on his face.
Tell hubs never mind, go date yourself.
15 minutes in library - mini vacay
Ask librarian for a sign up sheet for my son for the kids read summer program
Hubs again looks at me sideways.
Tell hubs I do so much more than you will ever know.
Wink at hubs
I am not a winker generally so I am not sure how it was perceived
screw it
 Go home to the things and grandparents
I tutor super awesome amazing kid
Hubs makes nachos
poor guy it take him and hour to make
So hungry
The things are rabid
eat
blood sugar levels up
bedtime routine
Thing 1 asks me 20 times what we are doing tomorrow
I say we are taking the bus to the brown mall
He then explains for 10 minutes what exact buses we are going to take
Then asks for a new cat as Holly died
He asks if we can take neighbour's cat Lucy
I say no
I ask him if he wants to take his bowling trophies to school for show and tell
He says, "momma no, I don't have show and tell for 20 years!"
Made a joke
awesome kid
anxious kid - half joking half serious
Now in front of computer
stacks of dishes up stairs
6 lesson plans to do
and more emails to respond to
Do not glorify the life of a stay at home working mom.
It is hard freakin work
I feel like a really squandered my time pre-kids
25 year old me, "oh I am so busy!"
35 year old me, "shut up"
but like I always say though
I love it
and
I would  not
trade it for anything

HUGS and Shit

General Fartenment

Life happened again, YES, yes it did.

Thing one wins 4 trophies at bowling. I ask thing 1 if he wants to take said items to show n tell. Thing 1 says, "Mom, I don't have show n tell for another 20 years!" OMG he is talking like me. Thing 1 laughed at own joke. I laughed at Thing1. The hubs laughed at the thought... that's your son. And Thing 2 looked around to see what was so funny and did a delayed forced laugh. I laughed harder because of Thing 2. Thing 1 was thinking I was laughing at his sheer genius. The hubs laughed at me for snorting. I became Snortney. The hubs continued to laugh at Thing 2 as at this point Thing 2 was galloping around the kitchen on his imaginary horse. Thing 1 was laughing at me for snorting. Thing 1 decided to do an impromptu yoga pose and announced he was doing the downward facing dog. Thing1's ass in the air he farted. And then figuratively the house came down. Thing 2 was now doing the downward facing dog but more in a twerking fashion. The hubs regrettably choking up his coffee he had just sipped and myself, the momma, was in tears of laughter, joy and hilarity. May parenthood present these glorious opportunities of pure bliss so I remember the fun ridiculous light side of life.

Hugs and Shit

The momma

Thing 2 Bail Count 3
No fig bars
No Polar Fucking Experss

Best. Day. Ever.