Paleo Parenting

Thing 2 started biting a few months ago. I tried the lovingly talking it through method, I tried the "Ouch that hurts mommy!" card, I tried the fake whimpering, I tried the time out, I tried the read a book about it solution. You name it, I tried it. It came to a head one day in the middle of Thing 1's preschool graduation ceremony. I was videoing Thing1's ceremony when I felt this shocking and most horrible jarring pain. I felt Thing 2's arms wrap around my leg like a baby koala when he chomped on me with his sharp jagged baby teeth. It came at such a surprise I actually yelled out, "Oh my God he bit me!" Everyone stopped and looked at me. I laughed and replied, "Sorry! sorry... sorry..." I picked up Thing 2 and took him outside. I had enough of captain bitey-pants. I took his hand and I very casually bit him. Not hard, but enough to shock him. That was the last time he bit anyone. I have come to learn that toddlers are like little cave people. They grunt, bite, use rudimentary tools, they are messy, get into things because they are naturally curious, they stomp, they throw things, they try to be naked all the time, they have the potential to draw on the walls, they run everywhere, they can be nomadic, they smell and lastly, they are all about the survival of the fittest.  I figure sometimes my little caveman needs a different set of parenting skills.  #Paleoparent

Hugs and Shit

The Momma

                A savvy modern-day cave-child demonstrating one of the many uses of her portable cave.

Why I am not taking the $40...

Everything is so up in the air... I hope it gets resolved - fast.

Disclaimer: There are NO judgements on who and or why you are going or not going to take the $40/day but here are my very personal reasons for not wanting to take the $40/day.

• I am in a fortunate situation where I have a home-based business and I am a stay-at-home mom therefore I do not need the money for what it is intended for, even though it could help us in these financially tricky times. Having said that I have some clients who have teachers as parents and they might not renew their contacts with me due to not being able to pay the mortgage.

• I do not want to take Christy Clark's bribe - dirty money

• The money is taxable income

• A horrible band-aid solution and tactic for a very big mess

• What the provincial government is doing is illegal as the classroom size issue has gone to court not once but twice and the they are not holding up their end of the court appointed deal. It is like the deadbeat parent not paying child support. 

• The compensation is a slap in the face to what is really being missed out on

• The approx $12 million/day spent could be saved and invested for future education budgets

• The $40/day ploy divides the parents and the teachers - just what Christy wants

• It was never supposed to be my money in the first place

• All other provinces spend more money on the kids than does BC

• By the time BC kids finish grade twelve, the kind government of BC will have spent $13,000 less than any other province for their education.

• Every other province goes to binding arbitration when there is a dispute with teachers. BC does not. Clark does not think it is "necessary".

• No other province has ever bribed parents to keep their kids home from school. BC has.

• No other government has talked about the "affordability zone" while making sure that MLA salaries increase by 70% and personal assistants by astronomical amounts in the past five years.

 Now that I have said what I have said please I do not judge anyone for taking the money. You do what you have to do and you have your very justified reasons for doing so I am sure! In fact, my husband and I disagree on this and he is applying for the money despite my arguments. My husband assures me that the $40/day will go into an RESP. I still do not feel good about it though.

I welcome comments! And don't feel like you have to justify to me about taking the money, we all have our reasons! Also, I am not on any high horses here! Me (trying) not taking the money is my own personal stand.

Hugs & Shit

The Momma

Bucket List

As you can probably tell by now I am a big fan of lists. Lists are the shit. Lists are beautiful. Lists can be organized, alphabetized, arranged by due date, arranged by category, arranged by colour, this list to describe lists can go on and on and on. You can even have an unorganized list because the list its self is a mode to organization. Lists. I live by them. Without my lists and calendar I would be wandering the mean streets of my city wondering when my library books would be due or if my child had school that day or not. I rely heavily on my lists as my brain simply cannot hold the amount of short term information that my life requires. Now that I have shared my passion for lists and organization I am going to share with you my bucket list.

Learn French and have real French conversations
Skydive
Scuba Dive
Go to a communist country
Learn to drive standard
Join an adult choir
Take opera lessons
Fly a kite on Cannon beach
Zip Trek
Climb Golden Ears
Become a doctor
Grow my own food
Become a beekeeper
Have a home based-business
Learn to make really good Mexican food
Make peace with my addiction to food
Snowboard or ski
Go zorbing
Go on a haunted walking tour
Be a part of a paranormal investigation
Prepare a will
Be a published writer
Trek to Everest Base camp
Learn to play backgammon
See the Aurora Borealis
Travel to Iceland
Plant a tree and watch it grow
Learn how to wear makeup
Wine Tour
Go surfing
Relearn how to read music
Be known for a recipe
Play on a national level team
Volunteer at a hospice
Get over my fear of snakes
Fly in a helicopter
Have kids
Be in a life long commitment with someone
Teach someone to read
Go to a spiritual retreat
Astral travel
Go to Newfoundland
Go to England
By a house with some land

oh my *shudders* lists are amazeballz.

Hugs & Shit

The Momma

                                                     This is a most excellent idea.

The Fountain, diaper tales and other Thing 2 Shenanigans

What happened today?!

Got up at 8:45 AM, 15 minutes before 1st awesome tutoring kid
No show
Call parent
No response
I hope everyone is ok
Do admin from 9-10 am
wait for next client
no show
hmmm....
Do more admin
Finally 11:15 am client! yay!
Tutor awesome possum kid for an hour
Done
Go upstairs to eat something
attacked by Things
Hubs and Thing 1 are going fishing with Gramps today.
Get Thing 1 dressed
Accidentally clocks me in the nose with cast on his arm
Classic
Get Thing 2 dressed
Kicks me while changing diaper as he wants to be naked and play with his penis
Let Thing 2 play with penis
Give him a minute
look back at Thing 2
He has dreamy eyes
Tell Thing 2 that I am putting on his diaper
Tell Thing 2 stop looking at me with dreamy eyes
Suitably wigged out
Get the hubs and Thing 1 out the door with out Thing 2 noticing
Success
Play with Thing 2
Thing 2 rips off diaper and plays with his penis
Thing 2 promptly pees with a nice big arched stream
Thing 2 plays with fountain and laughs
Momma cleans up pee and leaves Thing 2 naked
Eat some lunch
Waged WW3 with Thing 2 to get diaper back on for a nap
Thing 2 zero - The Momma 1
Nap time
HOLY SHIT I HAVE 2 HOURS
I worked, naturally although a nap was in the cards
Boys came home with their catch
In laws came over for salmon dinner
YUM
Put boys to bed
IN basement working
Again... more lesson plans
No eating tonight! Must fast for diabetes testing
Mandatory 2 years post gestational diabetes testing test
Wish me luck
I want to eat
fack
oh well
maybe I'll go to bed on time tonight

Thing 2 bail count - 4 that I saw
Fig bar count - all accounted for
Humans farting on my lap today - 3
Wars fought and won - 1
Gratefulness - infinity

HUGS and SHIT
The Momma

                                                                       No words.

An Update on My To-Do List

 Do to List from Previous Blog...

* Purchase 20+ items in different places for Thing 1's ABA therapy sessions
* Take all receipts and fill out government forms - photocopy and submit
* Pay Visa - Thursday
* Pay Telus Bill  - Thursday * Make new Pics for Thing 1's therapy Pic board
* Tupperware order - Friday
* Recycle all old Tupperware - old warranties
* Blood work at the lab -required 3 hours and a shit load of fasting
* Find babysitting for said fasting blood work  Thank you Aunty Robyn!!
* Make eye Dr.. appointment for Thing 1 - Hope he cooperates this time
* Phonics and Math Game development for my business
* 11 Lesson Plans - Sunday
* Teachers Pay Teacher site - sell work sheets when come back from edit
* Cancel Paid Tupper-site - Thursday
* Extra Meeting with SLP make sure hubs can get 1/2 day from work and in-laws
* Re-read an Autism book - highlight parts that pertain to Thing 1 for others to read
* Take the bus Friday
*  Library - get stamps for reading club and return items - Thursday
* Canucks CAN Network sign up and find swimming lessons
* Volunteer with retreat organization
* Literature lady at 12 step meeting, make an order
* 5 loads of laundry
* change Thing 2's sheets as he peed through his PJs again - Thursday
* Organize Sept tutoring schedule
* Monthly paperwork
* Over the summer project the school gave us
* Need labels to label everything Thing 1 will take to school
* Check in on friend's cat this week
* Refill my prescription
* Pack a picnic - Friday night
* Print off all Tupperware parties for 2014 for tax time
* steam the floors from milk-gate - Thursday
* Figure out if I can play field hockey this year re: tutoring schedule
* Back up the hard drive
* Oil change for the car
* Read friend's recently publish book and write a review for her
* Make appointment for  Thing 1 to have his cast removed in 2 weeks - Thursday
* Email distant family members pic of Things as I don't post pics of kids on the internet
* Take pics of Things
* Arrange for babysitting in the fall 3 hours/week
* Grocery Shop - Sunday
* 4 dinner club - get it going
* Call dad, it's his birthday - Friday
* Invite in-laws over on Sunday for dinner - Thursday
* Exercise daily
* Pick up bday present for 3 year old girl
* Buy more bus tickets for take the bus Friday
* Buy more Apple/mint zylitol gum for tutoring kids
* Pick up lost item from the lost and found downtown
* Potty train Thing 2
* Decline picnic invite and thank the host for the invite
* apologize to friend for RSVPing yes to a BBQ and no-showing (yar...)
* Haircuts for Thing 1 & 2
* Find missing fig bar before the hubs has a fit

I am feeling quite accomplished!
Thank you to those who reached out and helped!!
Hugs and Shit
The Momma

                             This really happened. Don't get too excited, this shit doesn't happen every day.

Shapshot - Lit. and Fig.

I was writing out my to do list and I thought heck, I will type this shit out. Then I thought heck I will cut and paste out of MS word and share it with the world... do I have a point? Yes, read on...

* Purchase 20+ items in differnt places for Thing 1's ABA therapy sessions
* Take all receipts and fill out government forms - photocopy and submit
* Pay Visa - Thursday
* Pay Telus Bill  - Thursday
* Make new Pics for Thing 1's therapy Pic board
* Tupperware order - Friday
* Recycle all old Tupperware - old warranties
* Blood work at the lab -required 3 hours and a shit load of fasting
* Find babysitting for said fasting blood work
* Make eye Dr.. appointment for Thing 1 - Hope he cooperates this time
* Phonics and Math Game development for my business
* 11 Lesson Plans - Sunday
* Teachers Pay Teacher site - sell work sheets when come back from edit
* Cancel Paid Tupper-site - Thursday
* Extra Meeting with SLP make sure hubs can get 1/2 day from work and in-laws
* Re-read an Autism book - highlight parts that pertain to Thing 1 for others to read
* Take the bus Friday
*  Library - get stamps for reading club and return items - Thursday
* Canucks CAN Network sign up and find swimming lessons
* Volunteer with retreat organization
* Literature lady at 12 step meeting, make an order
* 5 loads of laundry
* change Thing 2's sheets as he peed through his PJs again - Thursday
* Organize Sept tutoring schedule
* Monthly paperwork
* Over the summer project the school gave us
* Need labels to label everything Thing 1 will take to school
* Check in on friend's cat this week
* Refill my perscription
* Pack a picnic - Friday night
* Print off all Tupperware parties for 2014 for tax time
* steam the floors from milk-gate - Thursday
* Figure out if I can play field hockey this year re: tutoring schedule
* Back up the hard drive
* Oil change for the car
* Read friend's recently publish book and write a review for her
* Make appointment for  Thing 1 to have his cast removed in 2 weeks - Thursday
* Email distant family members pic of Things as I don't post pics of kids on the internet
* Take pics of Things
* Arrange for babysitting in the fall 3 hours/week
* Grocery Shop - Sunday
* 4 dinner club - get it going
* Call dad, it's his birthday - Friday
* Invite in-laws over on Sunday for dinner - Thursday
* Exercise daily
* Pick up bday present for 3 year old girl
* Buy more bus tickets for take the bus Friday
* Buy more Apple/mint zylitol gum for tutoring kids
* Pick up lost item from the lost and found downtown
* Potty train Thing 2
* Decline picnic invite and thank the host for the invite
* apologize to friend for RSVPing yes to a BBQ and no-showing (yar...)
* Haircuts for Thing 1 & 2
* Find missing fig bar before the hubs has a fit

So I write this because, it keeps things in perspective for me, keeps me organized, and allows me to prioritize. I do not write this list to feel important or to one-up anyone. For me being busy is not ideal. I want to have hobbies again. I write this down as a reminder. I left a hard job working as an executive assistant downtown making a good salary and you know I have no regrets. This job is 10 times harder and a million times more fun. This is a snapshot of my life right now, I love it. I would not trade it for anything.

Hugs & Shit
The Momma

   My snapshot - As per the recommended guidelines set out by blogger and The Sears Portrait Studio.

My brain on fat...

Sitting with a group of friends, having a great night. Drunk guys shows up and barges in our good time. We let him as he is drunk and will probably not be around for long. Drunk idiot points out to a woman on the street below and says, "Holy shit, she is so fat!" I look at him and say, "That is not ok." He looks at me, realizes I am fat and says, "Oh its alll goood!" To which I respond, "No it's not." He quickly goes downstairs to the lady and apologizes like a bumbling fool. What an idiot. The lady never heard him and his original ugly comment. I look around thinking ok good he is gone lets continue on with the night right? I look at my friends and they seem uncomfortable. Should I say something? I have not taken what this man said personally it's done it is over. To no one's fault, I feel like the elephant in the room. I am suddenly aware of every lump and fold and my clothing suddenly does not feel ok. I feel compelled to say stuff. I don't really feel like explaining but it is something I feel like I have to do. Right or wrong. Perpetually, I feel like I need to constantly apologize for my place in the world. Sound fucked? Absolutely.

I have decided I no longer have to explain shit to anyone. I do not need to justify my fatness. I am fat and it is my own journey. I am not anyone's sexual fetish or punching bag. I am not here to please everyone but myself. I am not the happy go lucky jolly fat girl. I am just me. What if I am to physically change? That shit is too scary for words. Who am I without the fatness? At the core I know who I am but how will I fit into this world? How will the world respond to me? I don't want to hear about how I have lost weight from others. My weight is nobodies business but my own. The biggest compliment anyone can give is, "Wow, you look so happy!"

I over heard a conversation last night at a coffee shop. Two people chatting about their families and how they were so proud of their adult children and grandchildren and how not one of them is fat. Wow and wow. OK so fat=bad. I am a person. I have been on both side of the fat/skinny spectrum. I am sick of people treating me different for being fat. Fat discrimination sucks truck people. I hear people say well then if the fat is not working for you why not just change it? Oh right... that's it! Fuck, all these years had I known... fuck. You are so right. Jesus, I could teach a class on caloric intake and output. I could show you a million things about exercises and label reading. I have lost 80 lbs and gained it all right back. The issue is an inside one, it is my issue, it is a very personal issue and I am done explaining. The moral of this fantastic outburst.... everyone has a story. Everyone has a really personal fucking story that does not require justification. I feel relieved that have given myself permission to not explain anymore.

Hugs and Shit

The Momma

Really Time, really? You are so clever. ;) Classic.