Thing 2 bail count: 6 that I saw
Bus Friday Bus count... 22
No fig bars to count
Thing 1 bananer count 1
Rocks found in my purse 5
I am such a lucky mom to be blessed with 5 rocks to call my own and 2 boys to make a home.
Hugs and Shit
The MOMMA
Friday 30 May 2014
Got Rocks?
Today was "Takin' the Bus Friday." Every Friday Thing 1 announces it is the day to take the bus! My schedule-lovin' son-of-a-bitch. Now if you have ever lived with someone who has Aspergers and has anxiety this is the day to live! Thing 1 loves buses and is obsessed with schedules and times but kick in the anxiety and he is captain stress mess but through it all loves every minute of it. Go figure. Once again, I am baffled. Today, while on the bus, Thing 1 asked me approximately 24 times which bus we were on and which bus we were getting on next, which mall we were going to and what the schedule was going to be once we got inside the mall. Classic. Then asked me what was the number of each bus we saw on our journey. Just when you think you are done... repeat the line of questioning. Bless him. He also asks me what we are doing next and what are we doing tomorrow. My brain goes on auto pilot, I start agreeing to things that I had no idea what he had just said. I think I owe Thing 1 an ice cream, a Thomas Train Set and maybe even a puppy. He won't forget, I guess I will find out later. Thing 2 is into a nose picking phase. Now I know all kids nose pick BUT Thing 2's nose picking habits are with other people's noses. Thing 2 did a hard-core, surprise attack, nose picking on me on the bus. I swear he touched brain. Thing 2 laughed. Thing 1 laughed and then I felt it. I felt the warm flow of blood. Classic. I have never in my life had my nose picked so hard by someone else that is bled. Thing 2 clapped and laughed at the sight and Thing 1 freaked out. I grabbed a diaper from the bag and it did the trick. Everyone needs a good bus story. Today the passengers on the C36 just got theirs.
Thing 2 bail count: 6 that I saw
Bus Friday Bus count... 22
No fig bars to count
Thing 1 bananer count 1
Rocks found in my purse 5
I am such a lucky mom to be blessed with 5 rocks to call my own and 2 boys to make a home.
Hugs and Shit
The MOMMA
Yes, the Hubs is pinching the cheek of Bob Hallet from Great Big Sea. And I am getting a side hug from Alan Doyle. Best. Day. Ever.
Thing 2 bail count: 6 that I saw
Bus Friday Bus count... 22
No fig bars to count
Thing 1 bananer count 1
Rocks found in my purse 5
I am such a lucky mom to be blessed with 5 rocks to call my own and 2 boys to make a home.
Hugs and Shit
The MOMMA
Thursday 29 May 2014
And the Oscar goes to....
A random 5 minute snippet plucked out of my day...
The time was 10 AM. We were ready leaving to do pet store, dollar store, rainbow toy store (Toys R Us) circuit. Thing 1 insists he wear his boots, fine. I pull them out of the closet. Thing 1 insists Thing 2 wears boots, fine get those out of the closet. Thing 1 insists that I wear boots. I say no. Thing 1 is pissed. Thing 2 refused to eat breakfast this morning and is currently noshing on a small bowl of crackers. Thing 2 is mad that he is wearing boots. Thing 1 insisting he wear the green jacket which is in the laundry. I tell Thing 1 sorry you have to wear blue jacket. Thing 1 getting really pissed. Thing 2 taking off his boots and spilling crackers. Thing 1 yelling at Thing 2. Thing 2 grunting and hitting Thing 1. Classic. I tell Thing 1 you are wearing your boots and putting on the blue jacket. We are at an impasse. I negotiate with Thing 1, he is now wearing running shoes and blue jacket. I dunno, it's baffling. Thing 1 pestering me to open garage door. I tell Thing 1 to wait as Thing 2 is not ready. Thing 2 wants runners, sure. When garage door opens no matter what state Thing 2 is in he bee-lines to the door. Tell Thing 1 to stop asking me to open garage door until Thing 2 is ready. Thing 1 jumps up and opens garage door. Fack. Thing 2 bolts. I grab Thing 2. Thing 2 is pissed and throws the rest of his crackers on the floor. Thing 2 proceeds to roll around and scream in the pile of crackers. Thing 1 now reefing on the car door and peppering me with requests to unlock the door. I stop. I walk upstairs. I think to myself... this is happening and I am ok. I calmly grab the dust buster and a new bowl of crackers, taking my time. Mini vacay. I make my way downstairs to royally pissed off Thing 1 and 2. Thing 2 is now crying and eating and rolling in the crackers. Thing 1 is saying to me, "Momma you open the doors? Yes or No?" I calmly pick up Thing 2 and dust him off. I give him new bowl of crackers and put on his jacket and runners. Thing 2 is temporarily happy. I finally unlock the car door, Thing 1 makes his way in. I pick up Thing 2 and his hand with the bowl of crackers hits the door and it falls. Crackers on floor. Thing 2 crying and hitting me like it is my fault. I calmly place Thing 2 into the car. Both Things are strapped in. Thing 2 screaming and crying for crackers. I go back inside. I take my time. I clean up round 2 crackers and saunter upstairs for another bowl. Second mini vacay. Awesome. I get into the car. Thing 2 has removed socks and shoes and eating crackers he found in his car seat. Thing 1 asks for a fig bar. I turn around and in my calmest momma voice say. No, we are leaving. Well holy turd burgers...You'd think the world had exploded. Thing 1 has a whining mini fit and Thing 2 throws his crackers on the car floor in support of Thing 1. And you know what? I didn't even care. The rest of the day was gold. That was just the ridiculous 5 minutes that deserves an Oscar. And BTW there may or may not be crackers on the car floor and I don't even care. I hope they get mashed in with a fig bar.
Amazing Actor in a supporting role nominee - Thing 1
Amazing Actor in a supporting role nominee - Thing 2
Amazing Actress in a lead role nominee - The Momma
And the Oscar goes to...... The Momma! For her role in Momma is not giving into rage performance.
Nailed it.
Fig bars - none left (FUCKING
YES!)
Thing 2 bail count: 5
Thing 1 bananer count: 3
Oscar win: 1
Hugs and Shit
The Momma
Throw Back Thursday... ah yes.. to be 26 again.
The time was 10 AM. We were ready leaving to do pet store, dollar store, rainbow toy store (Toys R Us) circuit. Thing 1 insists he wear his boots, fine. I pull them out of the closet. Thing 1 insists Thing 2 wears boots, fine get those out of the closet. Thing 1 insists that I wear boots. I say no. Thing 1 is pissed. Thing 2 refused to eat breakfast this morning and is currently noshing on a small bowl of crackers. Thing 2 is mad that he is wearing boots. Thing 1 insisting he wear the green jacket which is in the laundry. I tell Thing 1 sorry you have to wear blue jacket. Thing 1 getting really pissed. Thing 2 taking off his boots and spilling crackers. Thing 1 yelling at Thing 2. Thing 2 grunting and hitting Thing 1. Classic. I tell Thing 1 you are wearing your boots and putting on the blue jacket. We are at an impasse. I negotiate with Thing 1, he is now wearing running shoes and blue jacket. I dunno, it's baffling. Thing 1 pestering me to open garage door. I tell Thing 1 to wait as Thing 2 is not ready. Thing 2 wants runners, sure. When garage door opens no matter what state Thing 2 is in he bee-lines to the door. Tell Thing 1 to stop asking me to open garage door until Thing 2 is ready. Thing 1 jumps up and opens garage door. Fack. Thing 2 bolts. I grab Thing 2. Thing 2 is pissed and throws the rest of his crackers on the floor. Thing 2 proceeds to roll around and scream in the pile of crackers. Thing 1 now reefing on the car door and peppering me with requests to unlock the door. I stop. I walk upstairs. I think to myself... this is happening and I am ok. I calmly grab the dust buster and a new bowl of crackers, taking my time. Mini vacay. I make my way downstairs to royally pissed off Thing 1 and 2. Thing 2 is now crying and eating and rolling in the crackers. Thing 1 is saying to me, "Momma you open the doors? Yes or No?" I calmly pick up Thing 2 and dust him off. I give him new bowl of crackers and put on his jacket and runners. Thing 2 is temporarily happy. I finally unlock the car door, Thing 1 makes his way in. I pick up Thing 2 and his hand with the bowl of crackers hits the door and it falls. Crackers on floor. Thing 2 crying and hitting me like it is my fault. I calmly place Thing 2 into the car. Both Things are strapped in. Thing 2 screaming and crying for crackers. I go back inside. I take my time. I clean up round 2 crackers and saunter upstairs for another bowl. Second mini vacay. Awesome. I get into the car. Thing 2 has removed socks and shoes and eating crackers he found in his car seat. Thing 1 asks for a fig bar. I turn around and in my calmest momma voice say. No, we are leaving. Well holy turd burgers...You'd think the world had exploded. Thing 1 has a whining mini fit and Thing 2 throws his crackers on the car floor in support of Thing 1. And you know what? I didn't even care. The rest of the day was gold. That was just the ridiculous 5 minutes that deserves an Oscar. And BTW there may or may not be crackers on the car floor and I don't even care. I hope they get mashed in with a fig bar.
Amazing Actor in a supporting role nominee - Thing 1
Amazing Actor in a supporting role nominee - Thing 2
Amazing Actress in a lead role nominee - The Momma
And the Oscar goes to...... The Momma! For her role in Momma is not giving into rage performance.
Nailed it.
Fig bars - none left (FUCKING
YES!)
Thing 2 bail count: 5
Thing 1 bananer count: 3
Oscar win: 1
Hugs and Shit
The Momma
Super Rainbows & Happy Butterflies Posting
You know what a really great word is? "Turd". It is bloody fantastical. It is not considered a swear word but vulgar enough to be one. It can be used in a variety of different ways such as; naming your fish (Turd Ferguson, Regional Director of Sales) or insulting someone (turd-burger or turdlette). You can even use it as an adjective such as, "Don't be a turdish weenie!" Or as a verb, "I am turding right now." Heck I will stretch it and use it as an adverb, "He smelled very turdily bad today." I once in a while throw down the word as an interjection. "Turd-Burger, I really wanted a duck last Thursday!" I always said if my crappy jellyfish art got big I would start up a company called: "The World is Full of Turds Incorporated" I once had a co-worker from Ireland and we would get him to say, "It is 3:33 in the morning on the corner of Third and Thurlow" Which would come out as... "It tis tree turdy tree in the mornin on the corner of turd and turlow" See how great Turd is?! I digress... into nothingness...
Thing 2 bail count: at least 105
Thing 1 bananer count: 2
Fig bars all accounted for
Thing 2 politically rally 1
Thing 1 & 2 first strike support 1
Love the Momma-Turd
Turd Burger
Thing 2 bail count: at least 105
Thing 1 bananer count: 2
Fig bars all accounted for
Thing 2 politically rally 1
Thing 1 & 2 first strike support 1
Love the Momma-Turd
Monday 26 May 2014
The Weekend of the Momma!
What the hell happened this weekend?! I blinked that is what happened! Friday night I played my first softball game in 3 years. The first hits, first throws, first everything in 3 years. I am not a competitive person by nature but I can be incredibly hard on myself. You put me down, I have already down that to myself ten fold. It is not something I am proud of, it is a character defect and I am working hard to let it go. I promised myself that when I play, I play to have fun and have no expectations of myself. Bloody hell, it worked. I calmed the fuck down. I did my thing and did just fine. I mention all of this because if it wasn't for parenthood I don't think I would have learned this very valuable lesson. That's right, you heard me, the Things leveled me out and taught me to chill out because after all it's just laundry. So Friday night was awesome, thank you friend that rhymes with Blavis. You have a very fun team and I am so happy and grateful I get to be a part of it in some way. So Saturday... I woke up to Thing 2 yelping in his room. What the hell? Why yelping? Then I quickly remember that he is 2. Yelping is fun. I get ready for work... I have 5 students today... back to back. 5 hours of non-stop teaching nuttiness. My tutoring methods are sometimes unconventional. I find it necessary for all the ADHD energy I deal with. I love it. I really really do. There is nothing better than seeing a kid's light bulb go on after tedious work on a difficult concept. Mind Blown. Love it. After the 5 hours of hoopla a pal of mine picked me up and we went for a massage and a yummy prevening meal. It was so nice to eat while food was hot and to talk with another adult with out hearing Momma! every 20 seconds. I need a "Momma!" counter. It would probably be over 150 mommas/day. Came home from a divine afternoon of spa and good pal that rhymes with Blym. I get home to chaos. I mean really I have not seen my family all day which was really fucking nice and sad all at the same time. make sense? The hubs was on a cleaning tirade and that means he is a angry combine harvester. You just get the fuck out of the way. Don't ask questions. Don't look at him. Don't even try to hug him. But boy I do not complain as shit was getting clean and I had NOTHING to do with it. This really should have been the weekend of the momma. All things came up momma. The hubs finished up, I helped a little where I could. The Things were doing a fine job of watching Shrek and staying out of the way. By the way Polar Fucking Express is so last month and Shrek is in. All day, in my head... "Then I saw her face... now I'm a believer..." I have started to rewrite the lyrics and singing them out loud... "I'm a big stress case... I'm a golden retriever.." This is common practice in my house. Most of the time when I sing a song, the lyrics will be wrong not even on purpose. One of many wonderful benefits of living with central auditory processing disorder. It makes life very humorous as what I hear verses what you say can be a very funny thing. Also I have a hard time with word retrieval (tip of the tongue syndrome - but perpetually) A while ago I could not get the word regurgitation out of my mouth (pardon the pun) so I said bird throw up instead. This can lead to what the hubs calls... "Shit my wife says" It's a gift really. SOoooo after the combine harvester finished we chilled put the kids to bed and then Rumoli happened. So. Much. Fun. Super Fun shout out to Blickayla, Blank, Blathy, Blavis, Blike and Blelly. Went to bed, woke up... a tiny bit hung over. Not really. Just tired. Tutored 2 kids, off to my second game in 3 years. I did alright. No complaints. Note to self... run faster. Post game - grocery shopped by myself. Had to go to Stupid Store as the hubs was with out coffee. Shit goes down when the hubs does not have coffee. Captain Cranky-Pants/combine harvester. Go to Stupid Store and not my cute little No Frills. I HATE STUPIDSTORE. just sayin'. It should not take 2 hours to grocery shop. I hate the layout. sticker-shock compared to no frills. It was a rainy Sunday. ugh. Everyone in the Tri-Cities was there including the kid who peed her pants in the middle of the produce section. Awesome. So go home and it was really the first time all weekend I got to spend time with my kids for any length of time. It was awesome. I built a blanket fort, we all got in. I closed it up. I farted something fierce, then I left. I hot boxed the Things with my fart. best. day. ever. Thing 2 has a new fake laugh. So cute and cheesy. Thing 1 demanded I go on all fours so he can ride me like a donkey like in Shrek. awesome. creativity is a flowin'. Thing 2 rammed his fist into my mouth, again, causing me to gag, again. Shot off a cheesy fake laugh and then I was done for. I could not stop laughing and he could not get over how easy it was to make me gag. I wanted to puke a little. Thing 1 played in the garage for 10 minutes with the door open without us knowing only in his underwear. Classic and Classy. And Lastly the HUbs the awesome hubs who gave me a weekend with no complaints... then I looked at the schedule... riiiight... next two weekends are his! Smart Hubs. What a schemer bajeemer. So now it is working on the biz, naturally. Blogging as I am being a tad neglectful.Here is what is on my mind...and on my excel spreadsheet...
The Momma's to do list...
Finish off Biz taxes
Finish Develpong new classes
Register Thing 1 for a couple of Summer classes
Read Autism binder
Prep for meeting with social worker on Tuesday
Interview and hire consultant for Thing 1
Register for the CAN Network
Thing 1 immunizations ugh
Thing 1 pool fete planning
Get babysitter for 3 different dates
Prep business booth for even on Friday
Prep/photocopy and buy items for Friday's event
Mail Tupperware to Alberta
10 Tupper customers who need orders/warranties and or have questions
Pay visa
dentist appointment rebook
call back 3 people who left me messages
return library books
sew up some clothes that need to be fixed
pick up d&D characters for student
And more...
I am not complaining... not at all. I love my life. I love my family, friends and people in general. People are funny and that makes it worth all the while. Finding joy everywhere.
#allfigbarsaccountedfor
#Thing2bailcount7
#Thing1bananercount2
#mommabailcount2
#Shrekwatchcount5
HUGS and shit
The Momma
The Momma's to do list...
Finish off Biz taxes
Finish Develpong new classes
Register Thing 1 for a couple of Summer classes
Read Autism binder
Prep for meeting with social worker on Tuesday
Interview and hire consultant for Thing 1
Register for the CAN Network
Thing 1 immunizations ugh
Thing 1 pool fete planning
Get babysitter for 3 different dates
Prep business booth for even on Friday
Prep/photocopy and buy items for Friday's event
Mail Tupperware to Alberta
10 Tupper customers who need orders/warranties and or have questions
Pay visa
dentist appointment rebook
call back 3 people who left me messages
return library books
sew up some clothes that need to be fixed
pick up d&D characters for student
And more...
I am not complaining... not at all. I love my life. I love my family, friends and people in general. People are funny and that makes it worth all the while. Finding joy everywhere.
#allfigbarsaccountedfor
#Thing2bailcount7
#Thing1bananercount2
#mommabailcount2
#Shrekwatchcount5
HUGS and shit
The Momma
Friday 23 May 2014
Anti-mom bloggers
I have 1130 page views. Me thinks it is random people pressing the random blog button, getting my blog page and thinking fack another mom blog. Yes, yes life is tough. Yes, yes, your kid is gifted and so advanced. Blah blah blah. Well sucks to you and your conch anti-mom bloggers. Stop reading anti-mom blogger. Go back to your spas, solo shopping trips and weekend getaways where you belong! So good to get that off my chest. By the way, if you misspell "blah" the suggested word they give you is "Ahab". I don't know why but this amused me to no end.
The other day we went to Jysk as the quest for deck beautification purchases continues! Thing 2 managed to find the coolest walk in wardrobe with a bench and shut the doors and just sat in there. I knocked on the door and he yelled his favorite word... "NO!" Thing 1 and I shopped around the surrounding area as Thing 2 sat in the dark feeling perfectly as peace. Best. Babysitter. Ever. He was pissed when we had to leave. Then he threw himself to the ground. I took one look at him and I said, "Buddy that was so last month." He cocked his head to the side as if he understood. He stood up and walked out like a perfect little gentleman. wow. interesting. I wonder what he thought I said. Parenting, nailed it.
oooo found a second hand mini plug in water fountain today! major score. Our deck beautification is turning into a zen deck of sunshine and happiness. The Things LOVE the waterfall/water wheel cheesy thing. And quite frankly, so do I.
Thing 2 - New thing... must have a toy, paper, pencil, rock or something in his hand at all time when we go out into the world. Today it brought a huge page of stickers and would not share with the other children. There were about 100 stickers on this page. Thing 2 is such a killjoy. He just carried around like a favorite blankey or toy. What a Nut. Ironically he is allergic to nuts.
Thing 2 bail count: 3
Thing 1 bananer count: 2 that I saw
All fig bars accounted for, I hope.
Hugs and Shit
The Momma
Awesome Possum Momma!
The other day we went to Jysk as the quest for deck beautification purchases continues! Thing 2 managed to find the coolest walk in wardrobe with a bench and shut the doors and just sat in there. I knocked on the door and he yelled his favorite word... "NO!" Thing 1 and I shopped around the surrounding area as Thing 2 sat in the dark feeling perfectly as peace. Best. Babysitter. Ever. He was pissed when we had to leave. Then he threw himself to the ground. I took one look at him and I said, "Buddy that was so last month." He cocked his head to the side as if he understood. He stood up and walked out like a perfect little gentleman. wow. interesting. I wonder what he thought I said. Parenting, nailed it.
oooo found a second hand mini plug in water fountain today! major score. Our deck beautification is turning into a zen deck of sunshine and happiness. The Things LOVE the waterfall/water wheel cheesy thing. And quite frankly, so do I.
Thing 2 - New thing... must have a toy, paper, pencil, rock or something in his hand at all time when we go out into the world. Today it brought a huge page of stickers and would not share with the other children. There were about 100 stickers on this page. Thing 2 is such a killjoy. He just carried around like a favorite blankey or toy. What a Nut. Ironically he is allergic to nuts.
Thing 2 bail count: 3
Thing 1 bananer count: 2 that I saw
All fig bars accounted for, I hope.
Hugs and Shit
The Momma
Tuesday 20 May 2014
BEES! Your firearms are useless against them!
Just finished up on 3 hours of lesson plans. BAM! like a boss. I want a cookie.
Lesson with a kid...
Famous, infamous and notorious
Here are his sentences he wrote...
You do not want to be famous, trust me.
I am infamous for my sentence structure.
I am notorious for not replacing the toilet paper roll.
Funny kid.
What a fantastic long weekend! The other night we went to rhymes with Blavis and Raffi's place for a fun park/food/chat visit. Very fun. A very loud shout out to rhymes with Bale's for a fun time. Blavis and Raffi Bale you rock. And thanks for all the bananas.
So what the hell did we do today?
Rain... no rain... ahhhhh! Our plans changed with the passing of the clouds. Finally we got our shit together and headed out to Choo Choo's Restaurant out in Langley. We got to sit in the family room which was filled with train tables, a funkin' train diorama and a Thomas that did laps around the room. It was the first time since having the boys that we could go to a restaurant and not care about them playing or bothering others. Everyone's kids were playing and having an awesome time. The hubs and I got to even chat without the Things terrorizing the vicinity. Must go Back.
Then we headed out to the apiary. BEE FARM! I love bees. Thing1 harassed me for a honey stick and Thing 2 decided to play with a bouncy ball on the ground in front of the cash register. Classic. It was post nap time for Thing 2 so he felt most comfortable lying on the ground after a while. Every time I went to pick him up he whined. I left him there. People were great as they stepped over him and said awww he is so cute. They have no idea he is a part-time terrorist. We finally got the honey and got outta there. nom nom nom... honey. Got home, Thing 2 nap, Thing 1 bike ride, then I went to work. Home based biz, biz. I love my job, I really do. My commute is a bitch, but what do you do.
Dinner, play with Things. Thing 2 took out Thing 1 with a classic around the waist tackle. Impressive. The Things rough house. So adorbs until someone cries. Someone always cries. The hubs and I take bets who is going to cry first. It's a crap shoot. Put the Things to bed. Back to work. Lesson plans from 8:30-12:00. Blogging from 12:30-1ish. 12:30... curious? I drank tea. I sat. All by myself. While it was still fucking hot. Nailed it.
So back to the beeeeeees! One day when The hubs and I no longer live in a strata we will have boxed hives in the backyard. My cousin has bees in her backyard in East Van. Very Impressive. Apparently my ancestors were bee keepers!? So cool.
Today's tally...
Thing 2 bail count... lost count, over 10
Thing 1 bananer count 2
Fig bars... kids still have not clue they are in the house
Nobody touched the poop today
The hubs beautified the deck
Sweet Jesus it is 1 AM.
Hugs and Shit
The Momma
Lesson with a kid...
Famous, infamous and notorious
Here are his sentences he wrote...
You do not want to be famous, trust me.
I am infamous for my sentence structure.
I am notorious for not replacing the toilet paper roll.
Funny kid.
What a fantastic long weekend! The other night we went to rhymes with Blavis and Raffi's place for a fun park/food/chat visit. Very fun. A very loud shout out to rhymes with Bale's for a fun time. Blavis and Raffi Bale you rock. And thanks for all the bananas.
So what the hell did we do today?
Rain... no rain... ahhhhh! Our plans changed with the passing of the clouds. Finally we got our shit together and headed out to Choo Choo's Restaurant out in Langley. We got to sit in the family room which was filled with train tables, a funkin' train diorama and a Thomas that did laps around the room. It was the first time since having the boys that we could go to a restaurant and not care about them playing or bothering others. Everyone's kids were playing and having an awesome time. The hubs and I got to even chat without the Things terrorizing the vicinity. Must go Back.
Then we headed out to the apiary. BEE FARM! I love bees. Thing1 harassed me for a honey stick and Thing 2 decided to play with a bouncy ball on the ground in front of the cash register. Classic. It was post nap time for Thing 2 so he felt most comfortable lying on the ground after a while. Every time I went to pick him up he whined. I left him there. People were great as they stepped over him and said awww he is so cute. They have no idea he is a part-time terrorist. We finally got the honey and got outta there. nom nom nom... honey. Got home, Thing 2 nap, Thing 1 bike ride, then I went to work. Home based biz, biz. I love my job, I really do. My commute is a bitch, but what do you do.
Dinner, play with Things. Thing 2 took out Thing 1 with a classic around the waist tackle. Impressive. The Things rough house. So adorbs until someone cries. Someone always cries. The hubs and I take bets who is going to cry first. It's a crap shoot. Put the Things to bed. Back to work. Lesson plans from 8:30-12:00. Blogging from 12:30-1ish. 12:30... curious? I drank tea. I sat. All by myself. While it was still fucking hot. Nailed it.
So back to the beeeeeees! One day when The hubs and I no longer live in a strata we will have boxed hives in the backyard. My cousin has bees in her backyard in East Van. Very Impressive. Apparently my ancestors were bee keepers!? So cool.
Today's tally...
Thing 2 bail count... lost count, over 10
Thing 1 bananer count 2
Fig bars... kids still have not clue they are in the house
Nobody touched the poop today
The hubs beautified the deck
Sweet Jesus it is 1 AM.
Hugs and Shit
The Momma
Sunday 18 May 2014
Goose Eggs, Fig Bars and Monster Trucks
Today was a gooder Clark.
Highlight of my day... Being tackled by thing 2, Thing 2 sitting on my head as I lie helpless on the ground, my hair all in my face and I cannot see anything and thing 1 playing monster trucks with me. We push back and forth this bowling ball sized monster truck and all I can hear the the whirling of the monster truck coming towards my face. I stick out my arm, still blinded and concussed from Thing 2 now bouncing on my head with his butt. I did not put my arm out in time and CRASH! It hurt so funkin bad but I laughed and cried a little as all the boys in the house including my hubs laughed. A lot. It was funny, so was the goose egg. Classic momma and fam moment. Love it. Luckily when I get hurt I laugh.
We gots da fig bars from Costco! I was informed by the hubs that I did not account for a couple of bars last time. He said this is my last chance! I am feeling a bit stressed. My kids future of eating fig bars lies in my hands. The pressure is too great. So box is not opened but tomorrow will be the start of the great fig bar hunts.
Thing 2 bail count 1! Thing 1 bananer count zero - we ran out. Fig bar counting anticipation level - high.
Gooood NIIIGHT
Love the Momma
Highlight of my day... Being tackled by thing 2, Thing 2 sitting on my head as I lie helpless on the ground, my hair all in my face and I cannot see anything and thing 1 playing monster trucks with me. We push back and forth this bowling ball sized monster truck and all I can hear the the whirling of the monster truck coming towards my face. I stick out my arm, still blinded and concussed from Thing 2 now bouncing on my head with his butt. I did not put my arm out in time and CRASH! It hurt so funkin bad but I laughed and cried a little as all the boys in the house including my hubs laughed. A lot. It was funny, so was the goose egg. Classic momma and fam moment. Love it. Luckily when I get hurt I laugh.
We gots da fig bars from Costco! I was informed by the hubs that I did not account for a couple of bars last time. He said this is my last chance! I am feeling a bit stressed. My kids future of eating fig bars lies in my hands. The pressure is too great. So box is not opened but tomorrow will be the start of the great fig bar hunts.
Thing 2 bail count 1! Thing 1 bananer count zero - we ran out. Fig bar counting anticipation level - high.
Gooood NIIIGHT
Love the Momma
Saturday 17 May 2014
My Ghostly Encounters - Part 1
So am I a believer in ghosts, spirits, poltergeists?... heck yeah. I have had too many crazy eerie situations happen in my life not to believe. Are those Shrimp chips on the table in the karaoke palace? Heck yeah, best things to nosh on that taste like your licking a live salty tuna. Wait... is that an orb? YES! Geez took you long enough to notice. So here are a handful of my ghostly stories...
Picture credit: I have no idea... Peeps in the picture... L-R Major cuddles, Megs, Stephonicia, Orb, GI Joseph, Deanners and me (pink arm)
SO I did a Tupperware party the other weekend and it was getting toward the end, people were bringing me orders I was answering questions etc... When all of a sudden I had this overwhelming feeling to look over my shoulder when I noticed a container came flying out of the already open cupboard. Not only did this thing fall quite unexpectedly it made some distance. It was like it was chucked. Only myself and one other person saw it. I looked at this person and with their wide eyes they just shook their head. I was going to say something when the kind woman told me don't the host will freak out.
Until very recently I worked in a haunted mansion tutoring kids. I loved that job. I only left as my own business was taking off and need more of my time. My very first day I went up tot he bathroom when I saw a black shadowy figure cross the opening in to the next hallway. I bee-lined downstairs and thankfully my boss came out and she quickly became my pee buddy. I felt kind of silly and freaked. One of my last shifts at the awesome haunted tutoring centre I was tutoring in the basement with a fun kid. Near the end of the session he says to me, "Why did you say it that way?" To which I said, "In what way?" He replied, "You were talking like an old lady."
I am/was part of a paranormal investigation team called PPIT Pacific Paranormal Investigation Team. We investigated a home that was located across the street from a cemetery. So cliche right? So the 50 minutes of the investigation no creepy feelings, no orb photography, no evps no jumps on the emf meters. Nadda. Suddenly I had a gut feeling I should go into the computer room. Now first rule when going into a computer room is the room will most likely make the emf meter jump as it is full of electromagnetic energy. This energy is usually based around computers, phones, radios outlets, electronic devices etc. Me and a pal of mind decided to check it out. We hung around in there asking whatever maybe in the house to come forward. I scanned the room with my emf meter and found that the middle of the room there of course were no readings whatsoever. I decided to leave my emf meter there, untouched. We were about to pack up when my pal said, "Something is here." My spidey senses were tingling. For about 15 minutes we communicated through a series of yes and no questions in which the spirit manipulated the emf meter to give responses. That emf meter jumped every time we asked a question. My pal and I did not talk of that experience until about a year ago. We both are still flabbergasted and bewildered at what happened that night and we have not brought it up since.
Pre-kids, the hubs and I lived in a one bedroom apartment in Burnaby, we loved that apartment. We had some funny things happen here and there but I chalked it up to me just letting my imagination getting the better of me. Sometimes I would find my wardrobe door open. I ALWAYS close it. It can close by itself but it cannot open by itself. Also, the lamp in the living room would flicker at approximately the same time each night for about 20 minutes. I also would get the most amazing orb photography in that apartment. Not just dust particles but big bright deliberate orbs. We moved when Thing 1 was almost 1 years old into a townhouse. Such a wonderful move for us and we loved the place just as much as the old place. About 3 months after living there I was house cleaning one Friday night after Thing 1 had gone down to sleep. (Prior to Thing 2) I had not watched any ghosty shows, I had not talked about it with anyone, my mind was on cleaning and my to do list and nothing else. I had just cleaned 2 bathrooms and going downstairs to work on the third when I saw a man coming up the stairs. I naturally freaked out and yelled out to the HUBS. He came a running when I told him I think there was someone downstairs. Just as I said that I had realized the man was gone in a flash. It was weird and surreal. The poor hubs freaked out when downstairs like a madman. I just looked at the hubs and said, It was a ghost. I can still see this spirit's face to this day.
I have many more to come!
Thing 2 bail count 3, no fig bars to account for, 2 bananas eaten by Thing 2 and overall a busy awesome day.
HUGS and shit
The momma
SO I did a Tupperware party the other weekend and it was getting toward the end, people were bringing me orders I was answering questions etc... When all of a sudden I had this overwhelming feeling to look over my shoulder when I noticed a container came flying out of the already open cupboard. Not only did this thing fall quite unexpectedly it made some distance. It was like it was chucked. Only myself and one other person saw it. I looked at this person and with their wide eyes they just shook their head. I was going to say something when the kind woman told me don't the host will freak out.
Until very recently I worked in a haunted mansion tutoring kids. I loved that job. I only left as my own business was taking off and need more of my time. My very first day I went up tot he bathroom when I saw a black shadowy figure cross the opening in to the next hallway. I bee-lined downstairs and thankfully my boss came out and she quickly became my pee buddy. I felt kind of silly and freaked. One of my last shifts at the awesome haunted tutoring centre I was tutoring in the basement with a fun kid. Near the end of the session he says to me, "Why did you say it that way?" To which I said, "In what way?" He replied, "You were talking like an old lady."
I am/was part of a paranormal investigation team called PPIT Pacific Paranormal Investigation Team. We investigated a home that was located across the street from a cemetery. So cliche right? So the 50 minutes of the investigation no creepy feelings, no orb photography, no evps no jumps on the emf meters. Nadda. Suddenly I had a gut feeling I should go into the computer room. Now first rule when going into a computer room is the room will most likely make the emf meter jump as it is full of electromagnetic energy. This energy is usually based around computers, phones, radios outlets, electronic devices etc. Me and a pal of mind decided to check it out. We hung around in there asking whatever maybe in the house to come forward. I scanned the room with my emf meter and found that the middle of the room there of course were no readings whatsoever. I decided to leave my emf meter there, untouched. We were about to pack up when my pal said, "Something is here." My spidey senses were tingling. For about 15 minutes we communicated through a series of yes and no questions in which the spirit manipulated the emf meter to give responses. That emf meter jumped every time we asked a question. My pal and I did not talk of that experience until about a year ago. We both are still flabbergasted and bewildered at what happened that night and we have not brought it up since.
Pre-kids, the hubs and I lived in a one bedroom apartment in Burnaby, we loved that apartment. We had some funny things happen here and there but I chalked it up to me just letting my imagination getting the better of me. Sometimes I would find my wardrobe door open. I ALWAYS close it. It can close by itself but it cannot open by itself. Also, the lamp in the living room would flicker at approximately the same time each night for about 20 minutes. I also would get the most amazing orb photography in that apartment. Not just dust particles but big bright deliberate orbs. We moved when Thing 1 was almost 1 years old into a townhouse. Such a wonderful move for us and we loved the place just as much as the old place. About 3 months after living there I was house cleaning one Friday night after Thing 1 had gone down to sleep. (Prior to Thing 2) I had not watched any ghosty shows, I had not talked about it with anyone, my mind was on cleaning and my to do list and nothing else. I had just cleaned 2 bathrooms and going downstairs to work on the third when I saw a man coming up the stairs. I naturally freaked out and yelled out to the HUBS. He came a running when I told him I think there was someone downstairs. Just as I said that I had realized the man was gone in a flash. It was weird and surreal. The poor hubs freaked out when downstairs like a madman. I just looked at the hubs and said, It was a ghost. I can still see this spirit's face to this day.
I have many more to come!
Thing 2 bail count 3, no fig bars to account for, 2 bananas eaten by Thing 2 and overall a busy awesome day.
HUGS and shit
The momma
Friday 16 May 2014
Tongue Health and other things that matter.
My tongue feels like crap. That is what you get when you enjoy some yummy salt and vinegar chips. No one ever talks about tongue health but should we? Dentists are always spouting off about good oral hygiene preventing gingivitis, leg cramps and forest fires BUT what about tongues? This is the shit that clouds my brain when trying to make important decisions in my life. Can it be helped? Should it be helped? Nah. I digress.
So what happened today? Bat-shit cray cray Thursday is what...
Up at 7:30 AM. Thing 1 at the foot of my bed reaching under the covers and touching my feet. Freaking me out kid! I had another disturbing dream about not having my water truck at the posh country club water slide park. And the same frat dude laughing at me as when I do bring a water truck it is a Clearly Canadian water and not Evian. My day starts off super weird to say the least. And that stupid dream haunts me all day. Stupid vivid reoccurring dream that makes no sense. Usually at the end of this dream I turn into a Charlies Angel and go an search for over sized gems at the bottom of the Burrard inlet. But this time I sought revenge on some sea turtles. See what I have to deal with?!
The hubs sicks Thing 2 on me to get me out of bed. Thing 2 treats me like a bouncy castle. Classic. Head down stairs, hubs off to work in the basement, hubs has a half day today. Get the Things dressed. Thing 1 announces that today is a slow day! He moves in slo-mo, he eats in slo-mo he gets dressed in slo-mo. I am not above bribery to hurry up his little butt. It was awfully cute though watching him try to put on his socks in slo-mo. He was frustrating himself. #4yearoldproblems. Nana and Gramps come over to babysit as the hubs and I get to go off to another Thing 1 meeting at Children's hospital. Sad how all these meetings and appointments have turned into dates. Meeting went well with Dr. Head home. Thing 1 playschool. Viva La Resistance! Gramps helps out. Yay gramps. Thing 2 go for a nap. Hubs decided to nap too. mofo. #jealous
Drop of Thing 1 go to my favorite event (insert sarcasm) that occurs only every 2 years... Just me... and my doctor. Thats right a big old Pabst blue and Smirnoff Ice... (word play.) can you dig?
Leave there... pick up Thing 1 from school. Play at playground. Go home. Do admin work. Tutor awesome kid. Eat dinner. Hubs goes out. Sit on couch and do nothing while Thing 2 covers me in DVD cases. Get the Things in bed. high five myself and sit in the squalor as I have no energy to clean. Watch big bang theory and have come to the conclusion that the only thing I look forward to with the show is Sheldon and Amy. The Shamey. The rest of the show has def. jumped the shark. New drinking game... take a swig every time they do a fat joke. #drunk Hubs comes home. Looks disappointed I have not tackled the house. Oh well. #supermom nailed it.
Cleaned again.
Now typing up this redick blog thinking... I should go to bed. wait Thing 1 has occupied my spot.
This feels like a downer blog... but here is the catch. I love my life, I love my Things 1 and 2, I love the hubs, I love my friends and fam. I would not trade this for the squirrels.
HUGS and shit
The momma
So what happened today? Bat-shit cray cray Thursday is what...
Up at 7:30 AM. Thing 1 at the foot of my bed reaching under the covers and touching my feet. Freaking me out kid! I had another disturbing dream about not having my water truck at the posh country club water slide park. And the same frat dude laughing at me as when I do bring a water truck it is a Clearly Canadian water and not Evian. My day starts off super weird to say the least. And that stupid dream haunts me all day. Stupid vivid reoccurring dream that makes no sense. Usually at the end of this dream I turn into a Charlies Angel and go an search for over sized gems at the bottom of the Burrard inlet. But this time I sought revenge on some sea turtles. See what I have to deal with?!
The hubs sicks Thing 2 on me to get me out of bed. Thing 2 treats me like a bouncy castle. Classic. Head down stairs, hubs off to work in the basement, hubs has a half day today. Get the Things dressed. Thing 1 announces that today is a slow day! He moves in slo-mo, he eats in slo-mo he gets dressed in slo-mo. I am not above bribery to hurry up his little butt. It was awfully cute though watching him try to put on his socks in slo-mo. He was frustrating himself. #4yearoldproblems. Nana and Gramps come over to babysit as the hubs and I get to go off to another Thing 1 meeting at Children's hospital. Sad how all these meetings and appointments have turned into dates. Meeting went well with Dr. Head home. Thing 1 playschool. Viva La Resistance! Gramps helps out. Yay gramps. Thing 2 go for a nap. Hubs decided to nap too. mofo. #jealous
Drop of Thing 1 go to my favorite event (insert sarcasm) that occurs only every 2 years... Just me... and my doctor. Thats right a big old Pabst blue and Smirnoff Ice... (word play.) can you dig?
Leave there... pick up Thing 1 from school. Play at playground. Go home. Do admin work. Tutor awesome kid. Eat dinner. Hubs goes out. Sit on couch and do nothing while Thing 2 covers me in DVD cases. Get the Things in bed. high five myself and sit in the squalor as I have no energy to clean. Watch big bang theory and have come to the conclusion that the only thing I look forward to with the show is Sheldon and Amy. The Shamey. The rest of the show has def. jumped the shark. New drinking game... take a swig every time they do a fat joke. #drunk Hubs comes home. Looks disappointed I have not tackled the house. Oh well. #supermom nailed it.
Cleaned again.
Now typing up this redick blog thinking... I should go to bed. wait Thing 1 has occupied my spot.
This feels like a downer blog... but here is the catch. I love my life, I love my Things 1 and 2, I love the hubs, I love my friends and fam. I would not trade this for the squirrels.
HUGS and shit
The momma
Tuesday 13 May 2014
Amoeba's and Typical Days
So many things come to mind when I give myself a night off from the biz, life, obligations etc... and you know what I did?! I went to shoppers Drug Mart and looked at every fucking thing I wanted to. Ah bliss. Now I come home to reality and I think about my growing to do list and I say screw it. What to do next? I was thinking maybe shaving my legs, bah it smacks of effort. Then I though a nice cuppa and a book, nah too something, whatever not feeling it. Then I though ooooo a early nights sleep. Nope, that would turn into a good hour of lying on my bed thinking of all the things I could blog about which leads me to here...
I have nothing to blog about.
It was a standard day. Thing 2 cried because I touched his leg. Thing 1 made me play in the sprinkler.
Thing 2 fell off the couch, again. Thing 1 made me high five him every time he had a bite of cereal. Thing 2 bit me on the stomach. Thing 1 farted on my hand. Whatevs it was a standard classic day at my house. And for that it was magical and special and for that I am ever so grateful.
Hugs and Shit
The Momma
I have nothing to blog about.
It was a standard day. Thing 2 cried because I touched his leg. Thing 1 made me play in the sprinkler.
Thing 2 fell off the couch, again. Thing 1 made me high five him every time he had a bite of cereal. Thing 2 bit me on the stomach. Thing 1 farted on my hand. Whatevs it was a standard classic day at my house. And for that it was magical and special and for that I am ever so grateful.
Hugs and Shit
The Momma
Monday 12 May 2014
Shit Happens - Literally and Figuratively
So Thing 1 had a shit today that would choke a donkey. Sadly he did not make it to the toilet on time so day zero for him! I went to change him and he absolutely destroyed his cute little star wars angry bird y-fronts. Poor guy had diarrhea. Or at my house we call it dinoreena. Funny when I do spell check on dinoreena these are my options... "inordinate or noradrenalin" Strangely these words work to this situation, like Thing 1 had an inordinate amount of poop in his underwear. And I could feel the noradrenalin coursing through my body as I heavily dry heaved cleaning up Thing 1's underwear. SO as it goes, I am attempting to salvage the underwear the best I can with hotish water and soap retching up a storm and what does thing 1 do?? Laugh. So I decided to laugh right along with him. I figured it is not everyday you clean out shitty underwear and get a shit infused facial from the steam of the hot water. Moral of the story... throw out destroyed undies, it is not worth it and secondly, laugh because anything else would be just a waste on a perfectly good silly situation.#Thing2bailcount4 #Thing1bananacoutn2 #Nofigbarstocount #dayzero1 #awesomeday1
HUGS and SHIT
Courtney the MOmma
Thursday 8 May 2014
Gloriously Imperfect!
The Day in the Life of a Stay at Home Working Mom.. nailed it so imperfectly and thank goodness for that!
Up at 8:30 AM - holy shit it was amazeballs. sleeping in was beyond glorious.
Kids playing and me tackling the never ending to do list until 11AM
Hubs and Things in the car off to Dr. for 11:30 AM
Dr. from 11:30-12PM
Hardware store, where my hubs can feel like a Tim the tool man Taylor for 20 minutes.
McDicks ugh from 12:30-1:00Thing 1 school at 1:15 PM
Head home
Thing 2 nap
Hubs doing something with bought items at hardware store
Me - lesson plan, gather up library returns, check mail, answer questions from prospective clients, write cheque for school supplies pack, drop off cheq and order form at school, drop off said library items, pick up a few items on hold at library and dash over to Colton's class for 2:15PM
2:15 PM - 2:45 PM MOTHERS DAY TEA at Thing 1's school. So freaking cute
wolf down hot tea and cupcake. watched the cutest concert. Chatted with awesome mom.
I got recruited for the school PAC - fack
Must learn how to say no
who am I kidding
I am such a joiner
Boot outta there with Thing 1 in tow, head home
Drop off Thing 1 with Nana and Gramps
Pick up hubs from home
Drive to Thing 1's school
Meet with principal, resource room teacher and community support worker.
Meeting from 3-3:45 PM
Go to library again as hubs needs stuff.
Tell hubs we are on a library date sans kids
Hubs looks at me sideways with a what?! look on his face.
Tell hubs never mind, go date yourself.
15 minutes in library - mini vacay
Ask librarian for a sign up sheet for my son for the kids read summer program
Hubs again looks at me sideways.
Tell hubs I do so much more than you will ever know.
Wink at hubs
I am not a winker generally so I am not sure how it was perceived
screw it
Go home to the things and grandparents
I tutor super awesome amazing kid
Hubs makes nachos
poor guy it take him and hour to make
So hungry
The things are rabid
eat
blood sugar levels up
bedtime routine
Thing 1 asks me 20 times what we are doing tomorrow
I say we are taking the bus to the brown mall
He then explains for 10 minutes what exact buses we are going to take
Then asks for a new cat as Holly died
He asks if we can take neighbour's cat Lucy
I say no
I ask him if he wants to take his bowling trophies to school for show and tell
He says, "momma no, I don't have show and tell for 20 years!"
Made a joke
awesome kid
anxious kid - half joking half serious
Now in front of computer
stacks of dishes up stairs
6 lesson plans to do
and more emails to respond to
Do not glorify the life of a stay at home working mom.
It is hard freakin work
I feel like a really squandered my time pre-kids
25 year old me, "oh I am so busy!"
35 year old me, "shut up"
but like I always say though
I love it
and
I would not
trade it for anything
HUGS and Shit
Monday 5 May 2014
General Fartenment
Thing one wins 4 trophies at bowling. I ask thing 1 if he wants to take said items to show n tell. Thing 1 says, "Mom, I don't have show n tell for another 20 years!" OMG he is talking like me. Thing 1 laughed at own joke. I laughed at Thing1. The hubs laughed at the thought... that's your son. And Thing 2 looked around to see what was so funny and did a delayed forced laugh. I laughed harder because of Thing 2. Thing 1 was thinking I was laughing at his sheer genius. The hubs laughed at me for snorting. I became Snortney. The hubs continued to laugh at Thing 2 as at this point Thing 2 was galloping around the kitchen on his imaginary horse. Thing 1 was laughing at me for snorting. Thing 1 decided to do an impromptu yoga pose and announced he was doing the downward facing dog. Thing1's ass in the air he farted. And then figuratively the house came down. Thing 2 was now doing the downward facing dog but more in a twerking fashion. The hubs regrettably choking up his coffee he had just sipped and myself, the momma, was in tears of laughter, joy and hilarity. May parenthood present these glorious opportunities of pure bliss so I remember the fun ridiculous light side of life.
Hugs and Shit
The momma
Thing 2 Bail Count 3
No fig bars
No Polar Fucking Experss
Best. Day. Ever.
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