10 Rambling Thoughts on a Fat Girl's Weight Loss Journey

"You are getting there."
"What do you mean, I have been here the entire time."

10 Thoughts on a Fat Girl's Weight loss Journey - Careful, it is not what you expect...In fact the title is a eye catching rouse.

1) If I lose this weight, it is for me and no one else. Well, for my kids too. So I can see them and not die. Not what you were thinking... Not for the shame I could bring them as fat mom drops them off to school. Not for the lowered doormat expectations that comes along with being a fat mom. Terribly hurtful fucking stereotypes deserving of an adverb and an adjective and an expletive. It's for my kids so I don't die from a mental affliction that people don't fully understand and love to judge harshly. But first and foremost, me, only me. Sound selfish? Good. It is the one supremely selfish thing I will do in my life. A fat girl should not feel guilt for loving herself as she is. How else do yo move forward?

2) If you don't put out he will find it somewhere else. Wait, if he doesn't put out, I'm going somewhere else. Why does that sounds assinine but the first statement does not? Why do I think of this horrible shit?

3) What will happen when I lose the weight? Will people treat me different? Of course they will, but just the assholes. Hang tight honey, losing weight is scary as fuck.

4) What if I fail and gain it all back? Here come the comments, the whispers, the I told you so's, the unsolicited advice. The try gastric by-pass, try the atkins, try crossfit, try PX-90, try south beach, try weight watchers, try thinspiration, try what does not work. I say try happiness, try joy, try love. Try anything but beating yourself down resrticintg your soul and having expectations though glasses of undesirability is not conducive to any sort of subsiding the mental obsession. Try releasing resentments, fears and gain hope and faith. Faith in anything. Faith that tomorrow is going to happen is the same faith I put into knowing my time has come to deal with the world in a manageable way for me. Not through food. Food is a conduit to feeling shitty. An emotion I has grown accustomed to, addicted to.

5) Clothes are fucking expensive

6) This is not easy, I struggle hard. I struggle with food and emotions daily. I struggle with the world around me that does not get me. But I stopped. I stopped the struggle. You don't have to get me. You say words that are so foreign to me now like calories in calories out and lifestyle change. Lifestyle change is the new it phrase. Dieting out, lifestyle change in. What it really is and lets call a spade a spade here... its learning to deal with the mental obsession. It is a change from within. It a rewiring of the synapes in the brain to untrain the  the knee jerk reaction to numbness and seeking a next fix. Or the go to emotion of beating yourself eternally which seem to go hand in hand. Lifesyle change... snuh. Its an overhaul of the mind, body and soul. Cliche enough for you?

7) Standing in front of the mirror at size 14 or 24 I hated myself just the same. I thought the magic behind this whole thing was I will love myself when... When? WTF

If I just lose the weight I will be happier
I will love myself when the weight is off
I will be deserving of love when the weight is off
I will seek out external sources of happiness until I lose the weight
I will climb that moutain when I lose the weight
I will stop cutting myself when I am skinnier
I will stop chewing my food and spitting it up just for today, I promise I wont do it tomorrow
Wait... tomorrow is not Monday, I'll stop on Monday

Monday is a day
weight is a number
calories is energy
hate is damaging
love is uplifing

8) If you sit there and judge others you are not there my love. First place to start. Release judgement everywhere. You will find this freeing and gives you so much more time to think about other things. I know this well. I used to judge, hard. When my mind goes back to that old behaviour it is my best warning bell... to hate myslef. It is the best spoiler alert in the world. My judgements are a preamble to diseased behaviors and explosive eating.  If I judge, I will eat.

9) I refuse to appologize for my place in this world.

10) This is my lot. I will probably always struggle with this on some level and that's ok. The healing just makes me more awesome and more kick ass then the day before. I'm fat and who knows where I will be in a year from now. I have no expectations on what happens on the outside. I just expect the world on the inside.

Hugs & Shit

The Momma

Maybe it's the Rum

I'm supposed to be sleeping.

Have you ever sat there and had a thought about something that is just about to happen and then that thing actually does happen. It doesn't wow you like it should, as are you are in it and forget to see the tiny miracles that happen everyday. Unless you have a day like today. Today was one long deja vous. Today was like dream I once had that played out many years ago but bits and pieces come back as my long term subconscious tries to retrieve files that are buried so deep. When this happens to me then I know it is the universe's way of telling me I am on track. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I need markers in my life. They give me a sense of familiarity and give me the gift of perception. What is this thing called? Whatever it is I am grateful for it.

High Fiver!

Love The Momma

Crap Poetry - Don't Bother

Roses are Red
I attack left
Betcha didn't know
I'm fucking Ben Affleck

Weak sauce, but its better than shoehorn appreciation poetry.

Fuck it

Roses are Red
Jesus was a newborn
Betcha didn't know
I fucking love shoehorns

Now I'm spiraling

Roses are crap
so are carnations
the plates are hot
forever in damnation

Now this is plain shit

Roses are smelly
Violets are yucky
my fucking poetry
is super sucky

The Momma

$1.25 for the swear jar
13% sense of accomplishment
3 Songs downloaded while writing

                                                                 Can't Sleep

Drunkney in da houuussseee! Drunk blreg 7.0 I'm standing with my bff Bleff. Ibstand before you at mikeays 40th drunk as shitvall. I live Pete's schqwty ballz. I can't wait to put you schwety balls in my mouth. I've been given a topic gays in the military sound controversial and shouldn't have touchés with a 39 and a half foot pole. This is a layer subject my friends. I'm a goddamn pasifuct. The layers oh humanity are deeep to.

Today I created a human tunnel I was the fuck hogwart express.

I've been give a new subject German sausage. Sounds dirty I digress

Hugs and shit
I loved you

The momma
Blamber
Blood
Bleremy

A lost and rediscovered GEM

"Drunk blogging 6.0.

This is where dreams are made. I cannot believe that unlike a Justin bieber song.I'm having fun with friends happy birthday Blatasha! my eyelips are very heavy which isindicitive of cohbryfill sleept. Wtf was that?"

I found this gem in my DRAFT section.  I was clearly side tracked like a SQUIRREL!

Hugs & Shit

The Momma

Aftermath

Halloween, Christmas, Easter Sunday
Don't fret here it comes another Monday
In the moment is strong and certainly not fleeting
strong and relentless soundless heart beating
My mind is flowin not even showin an ounce of compassion it just keeps going
That drug, that  rush that joke, that inability to feel my own throat
balling up my neck is so tight what the hell did I eat tonight
The list was long the list was dirty In a dark room feeling kinda surley
regretting and betting that tomorrow wont find me the drugs got a hold this shit has blinded me

How do I stand up and face tomorrow
sitting an wallowing in my own sorrow
basking in post addict climax never enough never not enough for this addict
My head it feels like in a vice
its just food I say it thrice
its not about food I say over again
get up tomorrow and love your own skin
This is the only way to deal with the affliction
for me when I deep, far down in my addiction.

Hugs & Shit

The Momma

"If I can be an example of getting sober, then I can be an example of starting over." - Macklemore

"I'm Spiter-mee-yan."

So Spiderman has been living at my house for the past 11 days. He is starting to smell. Every morning Thing 2 picks out his "outfit" to wear and everyday as soon as everything has been put on I hear out of his adorable little face, "I'm Spiter-mee-yan." and will repeat said sentence until I say, "What? Tell me one more time who you are?" To which he replies, "I'm Spiter-mee-yan." I have come to learn that Spiter-mee-yan is afraid of certain things such as; the garage door, rubber chickens from the dollar store, preschool, unwanted food items on his plate, the water tornado as the bathtub drains. But do you know who is not afraid of these things? That's right, Thing 2. He harbors this belief that once the Spiter-mee-yan costume is on he then becomes afraid of things; once it is off he is solid. The mind of a 3 and a half year old is a precious labyrinth of confusing thought patterns and full of confusion and delay.

Hugs & Shit

The Momma

Adventures with Boobs

The weirdest shit I have ever found in my bra or stuck to my boobs...

Googly eye - just one, I looked down in my sports bra and unnervingly it was staring right back up at me.

Toothpaste - Late night out, want to do a quick brush before bed, toothbrush was oddly flavorless, didn't care in my altered state of awareness, woke up with minty fresh boobs. Whatevs.

Peanut - We don't have peanuts in our house, Thing 2 is allergic, WTF. What did I do that day?

Pine Needles - I am the fucking master at erecting the Christmas tree. Nuff said.

Sock - Laundry day, in a rush, somehow my right boob evened out in size to my left. Shit I'm magic, nope just a sock.

Bacon Bits - Sometimes I get excited about a salad. Don't judge.

Lego - You think stepping on lego hurts. Having a piece of Lego stab your boob is like having a unicorn stab you in the chest. It is rare but it can happen.

Mango - Not as sexy as you'd might think.

Snowball - Not as funny as you'd might think.

Bird Shit - Cleavage at a packed Aquarium Show. I don't care what you say, that is fucking lucky!

Ketchup - It is a great way to alarm those around you.

Hugs & Shit...

Than Momma

                                     Throw Back Saturday - Poetry Edition

Lucy-fur, Thing 2, and Shifts

I am feeling the effects of serious blog neglect. Looking back at my last couple of blog entries I went from fit inspo momma to drunkey is 2.5 seconds. You can judge me because other people's opinions of me are none of my business; unless your name is Jesus or Brian. So where am I now?

Today I woke up at 5:00 AM to an obscenely obnoxious alarm that rattled my soul and willingness to face the day. I kicked my own butt out of bed and managed to kick the cat 12 times trying to make my way out of the house and go to the gym. I think my cat is trying to kill me. But what else is new. I think when I get up in her mind she is thinking, "Listen fucker today is you last day. Feed me and let me take a piss outside and when I'm good and done stand by the mother fucking door and wait for me to decided whether now is the right time to come inside or not. If you leave in that four legged gray beast of a metal wagon without my permission I will climb on top and I am roof surfing all the way to the gym with you to try and kill you there. If I missed my opportunity I will kill you when I get home at 7:35 AM." Lucy-fur thinks a lot, plots a lot, but so far I have foiled every evil plan for assassination. Kitty needs new game, I am smarter that the walking-down-stairs-cut-me-off-leg-weave.

I return from the gym proficiently sweaty when I am greeted by Thing 2. I ask Thing 2, "Did you have a poop?" To which he replies, "Hulk Smash!" as he annihilates this waffle with the over-sized hulk action fig. I look to the hubs and say, "1-2-3 NOT IT!" to which he harrumphs and changes Thing 2's diaper.  Best part is he did it in his nicely pressed pants, shirt and tie. I feel a little bit evil but I'm ok with that.

I stand by what I did.
I own it.

Thing 2 bail count 4
Destroyed waffles 3
A shift in the diaper which I did not have to deal with 1
Self-amused momma 1

Hugs & Shit

The Momma

Drunknblog 4.0

Ok drunkney back. You know what I love all female parties, there are so many Pinterest win foods it makes me want to have a cigarette after consuming the consumables.

Rum and coke is nice to my brain. My favorite rum is screech from Newfoundland not Newfoundland but really Jamaica.

You know what. You know when your crazy is when your cheese slips off the cracker.

Tangents I visited my first hunter bathroom.. It was unervibg to pee amongst the animals. They were judging me.

Megan just said don't say that or your dead to me followed with a csckle laugh.

I love you and your 70 dogs.

The momma

Drunk blog 3.0 you're judgeibg already and that's OK because awesonepeople are going to be awesome. You know what? I'm at a sex toy party and blurping is the word of the night. Sex fact #14754 your g sport is does exist.  It is a funny little spot. It makes you happy inside. Everyone who is female has this including the queen. She's a randy lady. She has kisds prooiif! Fact! People are part sexy you don't even know. I'm wearing tank top right now with Kelly and were hot stuff. Deal! My friend who booopef me in the nose said I like to paint.
Yblast . I found nanananas.com
Batman!!

I love you

The momma.com.org.CA.net.au

Drunk Blogging 2.0

You don't know me.

don't juge me, or do, I don'y cate.

Read between the lines

I am a special lady.

Oh Jesus Murphy

MY live id a hot gorbae soup button

this makesn no sense

Your judging me and that is ok

the fdaster I type the more it makes sense

I love you

I have one functioning kidney.com

ladies are a nivce lady

I am your firned

You have nice morals

high horse


Love the momma
.com.org.com.ca.net.ca

I love you

A Journey Part 2 - Garbaldi Park

So my weekend is complete! I hiked 50 km in three days through, around, and up and down in Garibaldi Park on September 5-7th. For the past 10 months I have been a workout-gym-rat-self-motivated son-of-a-bitch. I had a goal in mind to climb a mountain and not kill myself; mission accomplished.

What/who inspired me to do this? One person, my sister in law... Robyn
Thank you Robbie for being the best sis in law a gal could ever ask for!

Robyn in the Spring competed in a body building competition and achieved her goal in losing weight and obtaining muscle mass. She said it was her dream to stand on a stage and wear a bikini and feel good about herself. With hours upon hours of hard work and determination Robyn made her goal and in my opinion blew it out of the water.

I started to go back to the gym in October of 2014, almost one year a go. I started doing laps at the pool. Once a week I would do a one kilometer swim. Over time I got faster and faster at it so I had to introduce new ways of bringing up my heart rate. My buddy Serena and I would walk around the river run upstream in the pool 40 times. Once that became too easy I told Robyn and Adam what I was doing and they got super excited. You see Robyn and Adam are gym people and the idea of me joining their gym-cult was an exciting idea. You see I have never been much of a gym person. I have always found joy in sports, where it doesn't feel like a workout. But I do remember that I liked lifting weights.

In early January, in a packed gym at Hyde Creek Robyn almost made me puke. It was good though. I forgot what it felt like to be pushed so hard and how great it felt after. I started going to the gym by myself 2 times a week. Robyn mentioned I should probably increase it if I want to see faster results. I noticed that the cost of the gym was too high and joined a new gym not to far away. This is where I stepped up my game. I started going in the mornings and nights 3 times/week. Robyn would check in with me ever so often and we would adjust my workout for variation and increasing difficulty and I just kept at it. Around the time of Robyn's muscle competition I decided I needed a goal in mind too. I got it! I love hiking! I do not have time for field hockey or fast pitch or slo-pitch now so hiking it is! I thought of all the hiking places I had done and which ones were on my to-do list pre-kids. I mapped it all out. I asked Robyn if she wanted to come and he happily obliged. We then amped up my cardio in June and I started going to the gym 5 days a week in mid-July. I was starting to feel fit again. I started needing less sleep. I started eating less naturally and being happier all the time. I was hooked.

I am unsure of how much weight I lost, I don't care about the number. What I do care about was being able to climb a mountain and not die doing it.

Saturday September 5th. (Day 1 - 9 kilometers, one blister, and I packed too much shit)

Robyn picked me up around 10:00 AM. I kissed Thing 1 and 2 goodbye and Thing 1 games me very explicit instructions to not go to the top of any mountains. The poor Thing was scared for me. I got a hug and kiss from the hubs as he said, "You've got this." Then we took off to Squamish for some lunch. The traffic was terrible and I was getting nervous as I know I could not take my time as we would lose too much sunlight. We got to the park and drove the 7 km to the tail entrance. I put on my 45lb pack and off we went for 3 days in the bush. It took us 3 and a half hours to walk one km of flat terrain and 8 kms for switchbacks and climbing the back end of a mountain. My 45 lb pack felt ridiculously heavy. We get to the alpine meadows of Helm Creek Campground. A large field with only 7 tent pads and over 35 tents. Poeple were camping where ever they could find dry ground. The muskeg was soft, lumpy, and damp which make for very interesting sleeping conditions. We set up camp and met some very nice neighbors, ate dinner and fell asleep by 8:30 pm.

Sunday September 6th (Day 2 - 32.65 kilometers, one blackened toenail, 10 hours, elevation gains - stupid)

Robyn and I were up by 6:30 AM and made breakfast and left for the day by 8:00 AM. We carried our days packs filled with water, cliff bars, and trail mix. I was so excited to eat nuts again. Since Thing 2 is allergic I went to town on the nuts. I was a chipmunk. We made out way up and up the sloped, rocky alpine fields full of trickling streams and beautiful alpine scenery. We passed several beautiful alpine lakes and rivers. Then we hit the top of the plateau area and it was all lava rock. At the base of the Black tusk it was nothing but kilometers of  lava rock and flat terrain. The flatness was welcoming as we had hit nothing but elevation before this. It looked like a moonscape. It was really strange and seemed so out of place but a welcomed new sight. Past the moonscape and several sketchy slopes we hit more elevation to the base of panorama ridge. I took a look up, it was not how I remember it when I climbed it in 2003; there was way less snow. Robyn, always 20 paces ahead keeping a good pace, just hoofed it like a mountain goat. I however was slower and more methodical. I would set tiny goals for myself like keep going until the next marker or just 30 more steps and then you can take a break. Next thing I knew I was at the top. The view was exactly how I remembered it. As I sat at the top we watched the cloud cover roll in and out and just stated at the azure blue colour of the lake below. It was one of the most beautiful sights of my life. I sat with Robyn and discussed how I killed my goal. She then asked, "Court, how are you feeling?" I responded, "Great!" She then said, "Good! Lets hike to Garibaldi lake below." I thought about this. That would add 5 hours to out trip. But Robyn made a very valid point. Out camp was a very cold place and sitting around at 2 in the afternoon would be cold and boring. So down we went to the start of the Panorama ridge turn off and headed south to the lake. I tried to look at the topo map to see the elevation we would be losing so I could gauge how much elevation we had to make back. I thought it was 300 feet. It was not 300 feet it was more like 800. We headed towards the lake, down, down, down we went. Through alpine fields and along goat ridges. We saw bears, mountain goats, chipmunks, and marmots. It was amazing. We hit the top of the switchbacks at the lake and down we went cursing the entire way thinking whatever we do going down I have to go back up. We got to the lake and found 2 stumps and rested out weary butts for more food and water. Robyn pointed to the top of a nearby mountain and said we came from that peak way up there. It was at that point I, like Robyn, not only achieved my goal but blew it out of the water. We then started to head back. We stopped a bunch of times for water and food. By the time we had regained our elevation I was giddy. Literally all the walking  going forward was going to be down hill here on out. Through the rambling meadows, along the steep goat trails, through the moonscape and down , down, down through the open terrain back to camp. With one kilometer left I was so happy and tired I jogged back.We ate dinner and promptly went to bed. I killed it.

Monday September 7th - Labour Day (Day 3 - 9 kilometers, all downhill from here, forgot about the knees)

Robyn and I woke at 5:30 AM the sun was just coming up. We quickly ate, packed up, and headed out. It was all downhill from here. I forget how much a 40 lb pack can do to a person's back and how going down kills the knees. It took us 3 hours to stumble down the side of the mountain. Along the way we sang songs, rapped, and even tried to set off a bear banger but it was a dud. We then headed to the car took some celebratory pics and drove to a pub for a burger and fries, well I did.

What did i learn from all of this... you cannot tell a person's fitness level by there size. The last time I did this hike was in 2003. I was significantly smaller but not as in good of shape. I did way less kilos in 2003 and I left that hike half dead. This hike I was fit and able like any other hiker out there. It was nice to call myself an athlete again. I have come to the conclusion I am doing more hiking but at least one major weekend hike/year. It gives me goals and something to work towards. I feel like I am back. So I still go to the gym 5 days a week. I still love it as crazy as that sounds. I wake up so early now I don;t even know myself any more. I used to be a night owl but that is all changing. Waking up at 5 AM  5 days a week will do that.

I'm rejuvenated. I'm healing. I am alive.

If you want to train with me and join me on next year's hiking excursion, let me know!

Hugs & Shit

The Momma 

 

I'm a mommy mummy 

                                                                      October 2014

                                                                   September 2015

A Journey Part 1

On Saturday September 5th I will be hiking the Helm Creek traverse through Garibaldi Park for 3 days with my sister-in-law Robyn. I am nervous as shit as I have felt my body was so unworthy for so long. I didn't feel like an athlete anymore, I felt like I was meant to be less than and that was my lot. It is amazing what an eating disorder will do to distort the mind, body and soul. I am worthy of this hike, I am an athlete and I am blessed to have the support around me.

Prep Time...
160 gym hours increasing my cardio and muscle mass
Vastly reducing my sugar to next to nothing
Clean eating 90% of the time
Dealing with my eating disorder demons one day at a time and sometimes 5 minutes at a time.

Thank you to the Hubs for the love and support and letting me become a gym rat. Thank you to Things 1 and 2 for making me crazy enough that going to the gym at 5:30 AM alone feels like a fun thing to do. Thank you Blennifer for all the talks and helping me realize that I am in fact worthy. And lastly thank you to Robyn the gal who inspired me in the first place. Watching Robbie achieve her own goals inspired me to do my best.

4 more training day sand then I'm off!

Hugs & Shit

The Momma

                                                          A Colton add on to my hair.

Fat Hands

Today I was told I have fat hands.

Who said this to me? It does doesn't matter. No one I have ever met before. Then why do I feel so sad? I know I have fat hands. I know I am fat. Why does it bother me today more than any other day? Some days I am so flippant about such things. Today I am not. Today my perception is I have fat hands. My tiny vulnerable widow opened up for some stranger to make comment and let it affect me. You know that space in time in life where you feel vulnerable like when Tron distracts the MCP so Flynn can get his info disc in to Master Control? That is the window I am talking about, a blip of my day. So I have fat hands, so what? And as I write this out my heart is less heavy and I regain my confidence to go out into the world once again. My vulnerability makes me real, it makes me feel, and goddammit it makes me alive.

Today I have fully-functioning, amazing, beautiful, artistic, fat hands.

Over 10,000 Views! Thank you!

Wow, thank you for reading my silly little blog. I never would have guessed it would be over 10,000 views!

I have a request to make of you all! I have come across a nasty little Facebook page called "I Hate Fat People". There is not much on the site but the fact that it exists is very disturbing. What is even more disturbing is that I have reported it as hate speech but Facebook does not seem to agree. I have rallied others to report it and they all have received the same messages from FB that it does not violate their "community standards". These are some pretty weak standards. "Hate" is in the name of the page, I am not sure it can't get anymore hate speechy than that. The best I can make of this is that the FB categories given in the subtopics do not include this kind of discrimination. I guess the fat people do not fit in the proverbial tiny little box. So I call out to you to report this page:

https://www.facebook.com/pages/I-HATE-FAT-PEOPLE/184754218362?ref=ts&fref=ts

and put it in whatever category you see fit. I am going to keep on escalating this until the site is gone.


HUGs & Shit

The Momma

                                   A little kindness makes you gleam, thank you, thank you jelly bean!

Love Thy Neighbour

A Mini Blog within a Blog, Blog Part I

 

Being a fat-advocate can be compared to the likes of feminism. If you do not know what feminism is the assumptions are made that you are an angry, man-hating woman when it couldn’t be further from the truth. As a fat-advocate I support all bodies’ shapes, weights, and sizes.  I do not shame skinny, fat, or fit people nor put them on a pedestal. All bodies need to be loved and supported equally. A fatvocate like me calls out cowards when they make unhelpful comments or give unsolicited advice. A fatvocate only wants body acceptance and self-love for everyone. A fatvocate is not out to make you fat and nor to make you feel bad about yourself. A fatvocate breaks down the notion that a size 14 and under equals good where size 14 and up equals bad. A fatvocate endorses nothing but love for other human beings. A fatvocate supports whatever healing journey you have with your body without judgement. Sounds awesome right?

A Mini Blog within a Blog, Blog  Part II

 

Since the advent of fitness, health, obesity, food articles and opinion pieces have been posted on the internet the well-intentioned and trolls come out. Everyone starts spouting off their two cents about why they think obesity is on the rise and how it is a financial drain on the economy. Hold up. Wait a minute. Let’s put this in to perspective people. These are classic distraction tactics that you have bought into, hard. The “War on Terror” is a drain on the economy, white collar crime is a drain on the economy, corporate excess, and human-driven environmental disasters are drains on the economy. This fat distraction is nothing more than that, a distraction. Yes obesity is on the rise, so are a lot of things. These articles are platforms for ignorant people to take out their frustrations and to help perpetuate the indoctrination of the beauty myth. You’ve been had. The truth is there is so much more happening in this world and propaganda has us so focused on the inane details of other people’s lives; hence, our obsession with reality TV and the Kardashians. What I desire are articles that have not been sponsored or driven by “hits” and “likes”. I want critical thinking. I want articles that have compassion and real information that are not influenced by corporate ties. Everyone has become an expert and a drone at the same time and this is very dangerous yet conducive to sheep-like mob-mentality behavior that subdues the masses so we become apathetic and more accepting of simple thoughts that require little to no thinking. It is easier to point the finger than to find out why. 

A Mini Blog within a Blog, Blog  Part III

 

For a long while it was a social faux pas to call out anyone on their weight whether it was to mock, judge or give unsolicited advice in anyway publicly. The only times I have ever been fat shamed have been in a places where cowards felt they could get away with it with little to no repercussions.  Since the advent of social media everyone’s thoughts and feeling on the matter have been supported by “opinion-pieces”, “quack pseudo-scientists”, and any Tom Dick or Janey who thinks they are a doctor, nutritionist and expert in all things because they “know someone” but they have no fucking clue what it is really all about. People who have no compassion ranting and raving on the internet about how it is so easy; just stop eating so much, exercise, calories in and calories out bru-ha-ha. The solution is so much more complex than that. Obesity in itself has layers of complexity which require much explanation; more than I feel like getting into. There are so many factors to consider. I am not going to quantify at this time because quite frankly it I don’t owe anyone any explanations. I do not apologize for my place in the world.  I am me and you are you. I love you as you are, can you love others unconditionally?

Hugs & Shit

The Momma

 "Call them $%!*@ and hide behind the keys of a message board."

-Macklemore 

I chose this picture because Macklmore and Mary Lambert promote love and acceptance is such incredible ways. I salute you!

"The eat right, exercise, health mantras need to be used appropriately and not for fat-shaming purposes."  

"If you are worried for someone's health due to obesity, love them, it is the most healing thing in the world."

 

Peetastrophie, Peenami, Pee-a-thon

My first 15 minutes with Thing 2 this morning...

I wake to hear Thing 2 yelling, "Momma! Momma! Momma! You come here rights now! 1..2..3...! Momma!" The hubs rolls over and says in a sleepy daze, "He wants you." then rolls back to his side. I am not ready to face today but I got up to go to his bedroom. I greet him the same way I always greet my boys with oooohs and ahhhs and morning sweeties etc. Thing 2 pops out of bed and I get a stern lecture. He then brushes past me and stands in the hallway ready to go downstairs. I look to the clock, Thing 1 is already awake watching super why downstairs. I think to myself ok you have 20 minutes to just lie down and relax before I have to get ready for work. As I made my way to the bed I hear a waterfall of sound. I know what it is... Thing 2. I turned around to him fully clothed, legs wide apart and emptying a full night's bladder on the floor. He pointed at it and said, "Look momma a big mess. Clean up time!" He then regaled me with the Barney clean up, clean up song. I went to him perplexed on why he peed through as his diaper when it was empty when I first checked it. And there it was, his penis was sticking out of the top like a little cherub baby water fountain. I grabbed a towel and got him to step on it as I peeled off his pjs. He jumped and laughed thinking it was all fun and games but when he took one step off the town he did a classic bail. His legs went up and he landed on his back right where the rest of the pee was where the towel could not get to. Awesome. He is now covered in pee rolling around in pain. Of course when Thing 2 is in pain he wants a hug. Ah well, pee for everybody. We had a quick shower and put a new diaper on him. We then had a little chat that went a little something like this: "Thing 2 you can play with your penis but you have to put it away when you are done, ok?" To which he responded, "No put away!" So I rephrased my request, "Thing 2 when you are done with your penis you have to.... Clean up, Clean up everybody everywhere, clean up, clean up everybody do your share." He then said, "OK Momma." And with that he literally skipped down the hall, bailed, got up, and then proceeded to go down stairs to watch super why with Thing 1.

Thing 2 bail count so far: 3
Thing 1 banana count so far: 2
Hubs passing the buck: 1
One tired but highly amused momma: 1

Hugs & Shit

The Momma

Drunk Blogging... trying it once.

Drunk Blogging... I thought I would give it a go. I rarely drink. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I speak in past tense the problem is the past has not happened yet. Tense confusion, philosophy lesson, and an all around good time. Don't judge me, or do, I don't care, well maybe a little. Nope, not caring.

Today was a super special day for no reason. I liked today. Holy fuck italics! I don't know I pressed some sort of magic button. You're a magic button. 

Oh mystery solved. SO today was nothing special. I ate some cheese. I crafted a paperairplane out of oldrecycled recyclables. Kind of like potent potables but more recyclables. You know what I really love? Nothing to do with finger paints. Fingerpaints are the bane of my existence. Try them and you will agree that I am right and finger paints are wrong. 

Oh thats right I am writing about my Things! Thing 1 and Thing 2. 

So we woke up. It was nice. It was about as nice as Bob Ross painting a happy little forest. When all of a sudden I heard from Thing 2's room. "Mommmmmaaaaa!" I got up in a stupor and stumbled to his room where I saw the aftersmath of him getting buck and peeing everywhere. I looked at him and said, "Are you 3?" and he replied with a, "Nope! I am 5!" Fair enough, 3 is hard. He then gave me an anatomy lesson on his junk area. I was super impressed. I flicked on the light and promptly walked away in a semi huff. I then visited Thing 1's room where I found the cat had vomited on the floor. I staggered back to my bed and said to the HUBs, "Your turn." I am pretty certain I rolled over and went back to sleep. This is where I won the mother of the year award. 

I can't deal much longer. I am a big tire. 

HUGS and SHRUGS

The Momma

                                                                Drunkn Skunkn

                                      

Hey Fear You're Not Welcome Here

Hello Friends... Before I get into the seriousness of things I want to write a completely bloggable moment I had today:

I was leaving strong start today with Thing 2, Blennifer, and Bladi when...

• Bladi went missing but was found 6 feet from where we were standing within plain view.
• Thing 2 was losing his mind because he needed apple juice
• A stroller toppled over with no baby in it
• 4 toddlers were plotting their escape plan while the door was open
• someone tripped on something
• Food fell on the ground
• A Baby cried out
• Thing 2 farted
• And I was trying to have a conversation with an adult
• This all happened in the span of 10 seconds. 

Moral of the story: Shit goes down at Strong Start
Second Moral of the story: Life in all its glory is fucking hilarious.

Now for something completely different...
I normally go to the gym on Mondays and Wednesdays but my schedule is all mucked up this week. So I decided to go for a nice walk and workout at the outdoor gym at the park across the street from me. Sound plan right? I did some speed walks up and down hills, I did some speed walking on the paths, I went to the outdoor gym to lift and stretch etc... The night was beautiful, the night was warm yet had a cool breeze, it was twilight my favorite time of day, nothing could get more beautiful or glorious.

But it all was not. In my mind I could not deal with exercising outside. It was fucking with my brain. I was judging myself hard. There were so many softball games and soccer games happening all around. I kept thinking about how inadequate I was and how if someone looked at me they must thought holy shit, she needs to workout. I had gotten myself into such a tizzy. After all the self ass-kicking I took myself to the middle of the grass field and lay down. I looked up and the dimming sky and had a cry. I knew my brain was creating a false reality. I knew it was my eating disorder taking a piss. The eating disorder was doing everything in its power to bring me down so I can then literally and figuratively feed myself. I have been down this road before, it is a familiar place.I had not been there in a while but there it was. I picked myself up off the grass and texted my pal Blennifer. I invited myself over to her place and I am so glad I did.

Blennifer reminded me of all the things I already knew but could not see. That other people's opinions of me is none of my business and that my thoughts are hijacking my reality. Brilliant. Thank you Blennifer. It is amazing to see how my intellectual mind gets assimilated by the eating disorder with non-helpful self-destructive self talk. Generally I consider myself a pretty confident person but once in a while my committee of assholes get the best of me and I need to shut that down. I used to have daily episodes of this self destruction and I am so glad to say I rarely feel this way now. But when it rears its ugly head I know it is time for me to take notice and keep on my road to recovery. One day at a time.
Thank you Blennifer. <3

Hugs & Shit

The Momma

                              The one day I wear mascara is the day I decided to cry. Yay waterproof!

Guess Who's Trending?

Many things on the rise...

Autism, Allergies, Depression, and Obesity.

Shit, my family is #trending.

There's my silver lining.

I need that lining to deal with all the shitty infographics out there. 

HUGS and Stuff

The Momma 

                                                              So tired. Yet SO grateful.

Shit Went Down at the Shoppers Drug Mart

I was at Shoppers Drug Mart tonight filling my prescription and as I usually do. I like to wander the isles with no kids and enjoy reading shampoo bottles and travel magazines. It's kinda my gig on a post-gym Monday night. My prescription was filled in a flash and so I took my tins of tuna, shampoo, paper towels, tissues, and Nat Geo magazine to the front to pay for the rest. I get to the cashier and put my items on the counter. I asked her how her night was going, making pleasant small talk. She wasn't having any of it. No problem, I used to work retail, I get it. I then held up my already bagged pre-paid prescription and announced, "Just my prescription." and placed it in the bag for her. That is when shit got real and weird. She took out the prescription bag in a huff and put it with the rest of my stuff and said with attitude, "No, no this is my bag, my groceries, I will bag them how I want." I thought she was joking so I gave her my best puppy dog eyes and pouty lip. Shit, I think I was just told. She gave me the lower lip back, I smiled and she did not. I was silent and could not wait to get the fuck out of there. It was all weird and funny at the same time. She then said, "I hope you were not offended by what I just said." I sheepishly said, "Well yeah, I was just scolded like a 5 year old kid." She quickly responded with an astounding, "Oh sweetie, don't be offended, that is how I talk to everybody." I put on my puppy dog eyes and innocently fired back, "Oh dear, that is not good." She just shrugged. I then tried to pay for my shit as fast as I could. She then got mad because I put my debit card in too quickly and then she got even more annoyed when I had the body language of I want to get the hell out of here and the receipt was 100 meters long and still printing. I got to the car and I had a good laugh. It was a weird, funny, and a slightly abusive transaction with another human being. It also got me thinking, she must really hate her job, her life, or possibly had a really bad night. She probably has an amazing story, or not. Bless her. I hope her night gets a little better. I know mine did.

HUGS & Shit

The Momma

Thrift Shoppin' - Aquired Nothing but Haunted Memories

My pal Blennifer and I went to the local thrift shop last week and found amazing things that survived a satanic cult fire many moons ago. We thought we would share a few magical yet scary moments with you.

Thing 2 was not having any of it.

It all started when Blennifer belted out, "Hey look it is Anita Bryant!" I responded with a tentative "oh yeah?" Thinking should I know this singer? Will I sound stupid on my pop culture know-how if I do not know this person? It turns out Blennifer doesn't know Anita Bryant, she was just having a laugh. My question is; Who is this Anita Bryant lady? We came to the conclusion that she's a nice lady.

Then Harry Secombe came along with his mutton chops and smug look knowing in his mind that he did in fact rule the world.

Then I found this gem and thought to myself who were those lucky bastards to lead pop culture into the wonderful, wild, wacky, world of jazzercisin'?

Flipped the cover...Look no more.

Then I spotted this dingus and wondered who are Kenneth McKellar's People? And why did they do it?

Then I saw this in loud red size 72 font: "Still More!" and I thought you know Mitch there is always another record album to be had.

And here it was. I can face tomorrow is always a nice inspirational thing to say especially if you predict tomorrow will be particularly difficult.

Then this scared the shit out of me. Ever since the 80s masked dolls and masquerade shit has always haunted me in my dreams.

Along with evil polar bears ...

and 20 year old headless roosters of botulism-vegetable-marination

Then there was Brian the 30 foot tall brother of Jesus. (to scale)

10,000 Creepy Clowns 

Charlie Tait and his $3.99 trophy

This $6.99 nautical knick-knack

This $1.99 girl guide craft that guided us on our shopping horrors

 Which lead us to this...

Lastly, the beautiful hand-crafted lady for $19.99. I thought shit this must be a Royal Daulton or something for that price. I flipped it over to find carved in the  bottom, "Made by Susan" Susan must be a special lady.

Hugs & Shit

The Momma & Blennifer

AHHHHHHHH!