Affluenza Much?

SO I saw a pair of (brand name) shoes on Amazon.com. I am not giving this brand name any advertizing because they are a super shitty elitist company that does super shitty things with foreign labour, local labour and their product is crap. Anyway, the shoes were $3,000 and were mostly made of foam and had galaxy patterns all over it. It was like disco bowling threw up on them. I wrote a review on the shoes, which was kindly rejected... And it went a little something like this: "I saw these shoes and I was like Holy Shit these shoes were made by unicorns! Well at least they better be." Who is this company targeting? Rich white kids with a huge case of affluenza? I just don't understand, well I do, but I also don't. Apathy rules my friends, sad but true. BTW the pic should say... North American people...


So today I woke at snuh. The hubs released the hounds at snuh and they came in for an attack. Well played hubs, well played. They were so deliciously cute with their snot tracks on their adorable faces. Thing 2 sneezes in my face. I might get pink eye. Downstairs we go. Thing 2 stops half way down and pees through his mega diaper and then proceeds to do a little Irish jig in the mess. Classic. Thing 1 super helpful and runs to get a towel. Super helpful older brother, what a sweet beet. Thing 1 runs to the DVD player and announces, "it's ready momma!" I say what is ready? He says the Polar Express of course. A tiny fire has started in my brain. I look to the left, I look to the right, I look for something, what I don't know. I need a distraction, a diversion of some sort. I am losing time. Thing 2 yells, "Momma listen to my words!" I panic. In the mornings I have the intellectual intelligence of a cracker. I took too long, crap bag. I say ok sure. through the fakest of fake smiles. Lets make this an uneven 45. I feel like celebrating! yay. I make breaky and get the kids dressed. I can feel myself going cross eyed listening to the hot chocolate song. Hot! Hot! Ooooh we got it! Hot! Hot! ooooh they got it! Never never let it coool! barf. Played in the garage. Thing 2 bailed over the hockey stick and gave himself a goose egg on top of his current goose egg. Thing 1 kicking the beach ball as hard as he can at Thing 2. Thing 2 finds the one spot in the garden where the neighbourhood cats love to shit to play cars.  My garage smells like shit or barnacle soup. Possibly missing a fig bar. I can hear hubs voice in my head. MAKE SURE ALL FIG BARS ARE ACCOUNTED FOR. derp. Thing 1 insists that he try my sparkling water. I tell him it is spicy (his words as he has done this before) he insists that I am somehow mistaken with this particular bottle. He takes a swig and he splutters and coughs. Momma 1 Thing 1 - zero. Clean up! Things whine. classic. LUNCH! fruit smoothies and ham sandwiches. Thing 2 refused naptime. bugger. Cleaned, sorted laundry, did some admin., put away some laundry, dishes, puzzle with Thing 1, dance with Thing 2, Thing 1 yelled at us to stop dancing, kept on dancing, swept, scrubbed the BBQ, made dinner, unsuccessful search for fig bar in garage and heard the garage door go up and YES FUCKING YES! Dad is home. Tutoring awesome kid for an hour. Thought... all my students fart in front of me like it is no big deal. Good thing I find it fricken hilarious, except when I eat it. Back upstairs and ate cold dinner. My night for Thing 1. Bath, books, bedtime. Fell asleep on Thing 1 bed for 20 minutes. Yum. Bank deposit, admin work, taxes, got a Strawberry Shortcake's blueberry friend tea latte fro m7-11 and I am calling it quits early tonight! Time for me.... getting my tea. Nailed it. #onefigbarnotaccountedfor Thing 2 bail count 4. High fiver to everyone who reads this godforsaken blog. bless you. and that is not for sneezing.