Today in a Nutty McNutshell...life happened. Yeah that's right life. check it. 7:30 AM Thing 2 is wide awake. I can hear him yelling though the monitor his morning sermon to the Banana in Pajama (B2) and the Geoffy the Giraffe in the corner of his crib. B1 is missing. I wouldn't say I am missing him. Thing 2 is quite excitable. Must be a passionate subject. I can see it now his little hands flailing and pointing. Now, I am not fully fluent in Thing 2 but I hear random words like, I come? and No! and Duck! I go to get Thing 2 and sure enough he is in full preaching swing. I now get a passionate talking to. Thing 2 is soaked from head to toe. Thing2 has discovered how to open up his full onesie and is loving free willy time. Crap. I forsee a new record of laundry days in a row. As the kids say, yolo? Strip down Thing 2. Strip down the bed. Thing2 is enthralled with the fresh air hitting is netheryayah. Find Thing 1. He has successfully raccooned into a box of Shreddies. Yes, raccooning is a verb. I take the Things and dump them in to the bath. I say BOYS NO Fighting NO Splashing NO throwing! Things look at me like I am crazy and that they would never do such things. I strip the Things beds. Finding Shreddies in cars. Finding Shreddies in clothes drawer. Found Shreddies and Hungry Hungy Hippos. Ask Thing 1 about Shreddies. Thing 1 says Hippos need to eat mom. I respond, "naturally." Get the Things out, get them dressed, clean up the water war. Down we go for second breakfast. It is not even time for elevensees yet. Thing 1 is on a banana kick again. Previous bananas in a day record: 5 and a half. Only 8:15 and it looks like he has had 2. He is on course for breaking his record. Put on Thomas, better than Calliou. Want to punch Thomas in his flat face for being a doof. He is NOT a useful engine, in fact, he is a ninny and needs to go to the smelters yard. Note to self, watch less Thomas. Don't get caught up in Thomas' drama, you don't need that shit right now. Had plans to go out. No one was feeling it. Thing 2 is trying to tear off clothes. Thing 1 has successfully torn off clothes and is now trying to put on dragon costume. Did not hide it well enough. Yolo. Sat on the living room floor for 2 hours eating stray Shreddies and playing trains. Livin'. Thing 2 manages to get into fridge, finds hot sauce bottle, brings it over. Repeats the word "this" 15 times. I say no. Thing 2 wields his head like a weapon. Head butt. Stars? Oh dear. Dragon Boy yelling, me on the ground blinded and groaning. Dragon Boy yelling momma! Get off the TRACK Conner is coming! I get up. Near Miss. Give Thing 2 a yogurt and put on the Polar Express. A little early Christmas Cheer. sure. Thing 2 is pissed. Tries to change channel with the mirror. Banana count 3. LUNCH! Screw it. Popcorn and Smoothies. Banana count 4. Dragon Boy has school. Thing 1 loves school, Dragon Boy HATES school. Whatevs. Dragon boy reluctantly changes back to Thing 1. Off to school. Thing 2 crying Thing 1 crying. Thing 2 wants to stay, Thing 1 wants to leave. Classic. Back home. I get smart. Put Thing 2 in a onesie. Ah ha! No waterworks! Napping glorious Silence. 1:45 PM to 3:00 PM. Work on Awesome Possum Stuff. Drink a HOT cup of TEA. Shit things just got good and then... 3:00 PM wake up Thing 2. Thing 2 angry. Thing 2 turns into the Hulk. Pick up Thing 1 from school. Thing 1 asks for a banana. Have banana in purse. Of course. Banana count 5. Pick up Hubs from work. Traffic is exciting. Gave Thing 1 a pen a paper to draw while waiting for dad. Things got quiet. The hulk and Thing 1 have new tats. The Hulk back to Thing 2. Hubs comes out, asks how day was. I say, "boring." Mini vacay in the car ride home. Hubs says no one needs to talk to momma right now she is sleeping. LOVE THE HUBS. Strained whispers and laughter ensues. Get Home. Tutoring client with awesome kid. Awesome kid loses cap of the marker in his armpit. True story. Awesome kids leaves. Hubs leaves. Bowling night. Back to work. Hubs home any minute? Sure. Banana count: 5. So close. Thing 1 currently baking banana bread in his butt. Let the sharting begin!Goodnight moonpies! This momma is blissfully done. PEACE.
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