Whatcha going to do with a drunken sailor, put him in an Exxon Valdez tanker...

The day is mine! Today was also super bromance day.

Woke up at 8:15 AM to Thing 2 banging on his wall and Thing 1 playing with the tablet at the end of our bed. Strange dreams of Thomas as Thing 1 watches you tube vids as we slept. Thomas the tank whiner. Tutored 4 kids today. Nailed it. Thing 1 came home from bowling with some wicked hardware. Bowling prodigy. So proud. Sat in garage for an hour playing bubbles. Mother of the year. Did a 100 piece puzzle with Thing 1. LIKE A BOSS. Missing 4 pieces now. asshole puzzle. Thing 2 protested nap time. Classic. Made some mac n cheese. again. Sang to Thing 1 he told me to be quiet. Polar fucking Express count 43. Wait wait wait hold up... I am not bad of a singer and the Things hate it when I sing. WTF. Perhaps I am disillusioned by my singing talent. sigh. I am going to start singing opera again. Take that Turd Burgers. In laws come over to babysit the Things. Worked hard on looking so pretty. It is tough work! I even plucked my eyebrows. caterpillar eyebrows gone. Did not have time to shave, screw it. Ain't nobody got time for that. Off to friends that rhyme with Avis and Athy's house. Pre-party party. So fun. wanted to stay and watch Despicable me with Avis & Athy's son. Oh well, next time. Petted their dog. Cute pup. She barked in my face. I shrieked like a little girl. I startle easily. Kinda funny. Off to the BOWLING BANQUET. Amazeballs. The hubs danced his sweaty balls off tonight. He did his annual electric slide solo dance. It was so good people left the dance floor to watch. That and he gets super flailey. He has dangerous dancing elbows. weapons. Had a nice slow dance with Mikeay to Sheryl Fucking Crowe and Kid Rock. I really Hate that song. I really really really do. When I hear it I get the compulsion to ram things into my ears like water bottles and kleenex. I get a silent rage from deep within my soul. I am a happy person so I mean business when I say that song is the debils work. (10 points for the "debil" reference). Super night coming to a close... won $50, drank some yummy rum, husband farted ALL night on dance floor (ate them-ugh), danced my shoes off (literally) and got a night away from the Things! Got someone to call a cab as I was not super functional. In fact, I was quite useless. I have no idea why people put me in charge of things like getting a cab. Something about leadership qualities. yadda yadda. Someone stole cab. classic. Waited for another. cops showed. Noise complaints. yar. One of the cops was my field hockey pal. joked and almost got cuffed and thrown int he back for fun. Kinda upset it never happened. I am kind of a law abiding type, felt like it was my only chance for this sort of experience. Coppers left. I had a misstep and fell into a hole. twisted my ankle. Hubs kept asking if I was ok. I told him to be quiet as I was laughing and hurting too much all at once. I laugh when I am in pain. Weird. One time I got my eyebrows shaped and the lady tweezed my caterpillars and I laughed so hard I almost peed. Sat in puddle, made no efforts to move. Laughing too hard. Hubs asked if I needed help. Laughed some more. Managed to stand. We shall see how it feels in the morning. I am reading hubs thoughts... How do you exist? My inner thought reply... by laughing. BAM! nailed it. Made it home in one piece. Sorry to the cabbie who had to deal with my wet butt. Slightly allergic to hypoallergenic make up. I can now feel my eyes starting to swell. Why do I do this to myself. Simple. Oedipus complex. haha! so joking Freud can go bleep himself. Oh found husbands contact that he dropped on the floor. I am good at finding things. Where's waldo complex. I went to put it on the table and then I dropped it again. Hubs asks how do I exist. and I say... I think therefore I am. Nailed it. Thanks Descartes. The I laugh as I found it again. My amazeballz-eyeballz. ok I am tired and I neeeed to sleep. Prescription, water, Advil, sleep...thank goodness only 2 kids to tutor tomorrow. A special shout out to the bowling buddies for another great bowling banquet. Be well. HUGS to you. www.zombo.com will change your life.