Squirrel!

So Thing 1 may or may not have tasted poop today. Oh well, shit happens.

So Thing 2 babbling at 8:30 am I wake. I am gloriously happy that Thing 2 has slept again. Retrieve Thing 2. He is very happy and has managed to raccoon into his one piece PJs and found his penis. This time Thing 2 penis has scratches all over it. Must trim nails. Luckily Thing 2 has yet to spray down the room. Go to change Thing 2. Strip him down and he finds penis again. Think to myself stop making eye contact this is awkward. Look back at Thing 2's face. Tell Thing 2 to stop looking at me with his dreamy eyes. Oh dear. Put on diaper tighter than usual. Thing 1 bounds in. Chocolate face. Classic. Thing 1 has raccooned into chocolate eggs. Take them down stairs. The Things want chocolate and Polar Fucking Express. I can't wait. Will that Billy kid make the train this time? Will one of the elves parachutes not open? Will the annoying kid get more than underwear under the tree? Compelling stuff. Get dressed and out the door. Things want fig bars. Back to the fig bar daily count.

I am distracted I want a Blueberry  Tea Latte.